


Anathema

by avaiel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Regency, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-09-14 11:24:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16911987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avaiel/pseuds/avaiel
Summary: " ANATHEMA // nounDefinition : someone or something intensely disliked or loathed. "Mr Kenobi had passed away, leaving an only grandchild named Rey Kenobi. Until she reached her 21st birthday, she was to be taken care of by a guardian, and she is sent to live with a friend of her grandfather.Set in the 19th century and probably some Pride and Prejudice vibes. Slow burn.Short chapters so I can update more often.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let's start this one with saying I am very sorry if there is mistakes, english is not my first language and I don't have anybody to read my work before I post it. I have not posted written work since almost a decade, but I hope it will be at least a little bit interesting. I am very open to suggestions if there is anything I can improve, write to me at http://avaiel.tumblr.com/

 

It was a bright and warm day for the season, and the winter never seemed so close to its end. But even the soft heat of the sun caressing her face could not bring more than a faint smile on Rey's face this morning. Yet, she stayed a little bit longer in front of the house, closing her eyes with a deep breath, if not to enjoy the warmth at least to build some strength for the long journey to come. Farewells were said and grief was to stay behind with the only home she ever had, but only for a time, she hoped. On this thought, she summoned all of her composure and climbed in the carriage, only looking back a last time to send a hearty smile and a slight hand gesture to the people staying behind. And then the coach was off, and minutes later the house was barely visible behind the trees of the small estate.

Some weeks ago, a gentleman by the name of Mr Kenobi had passed away at the incredible age of 90, leaving an only grandchild. A young Lady named Rey Kenobi, of only 18 years of age, whose wild and free spirited nature made her the pride and joy of her grandfather since childhood. It was unhappy enough for her to have lost her beloved grandfather, as her parents too had passed away when she was barely an infant. In such conditions, and until she reached her 21th birthday, she was to be taken care of by a guardian, a role her grandfather had assumed until now. This guardian had been selected by the late Mr Kenobi in his will to be Lord Skywalker, a man he knew well. Lord Skywalker happed to be an unmarried and childless Duke, descendant of the royal family by his mother's side. She had crossed his paths several times during her life, and he had always left a great impression on her despite his apparent loathing for society and good manners. Perhaps because of it, moreso. If the choice had been hers she would have taken care of herself as soon as necessary and firmly believed she was capable of managing the estate at this very moment, however for an unmarried young girl such a thing was not conceivable. And she was not the kind of person to dwell on the impossible but rather to make the most of what she had.

Rey had decided to travel unaccompanied, a choice many would have disapproved of, but she felt like some time alone was all she needed. The hours passed and when she reached her destination, she recognized the domain from far away. It was not that big of a property, but well kept and the house was decently sized. She remembered Lord Skywalker talking about how he had no time to spare on ostentatious assets, some years ago. It was still a beautiful home nonetheless, and when the carriage stopped in front of it she saw her guardian waiting for her and she got off the coach to meet him. They exchanged a slight bow before the man adressed her with a warm smile and his sparkling and lively blue eyes. He seemed so much older than she remembered, wiser too. His own life was somewhat complicated, she knew that much, for the Skywalker family was of great descent and carried grand expectations.

\- Welcome, Rey. I am glad to see you. I hope you will find some comfort here, amidst my terrible taste in furniture and the grumpy old man I am.

She laughed wholeheartedly for a moment, and it felt good, it felt like there was a spark of hope in this whole situation. The rest of the reunion was properly formal and lacked no courtesy, yet she felt a sincere sorrow in the condolences expressed by the Duke, for he had lost a mentor and a great friend when Mr Kenobi passed. He showed her around the house himself, for she had not been there since she was a child. She took her leave a little bit later, to help with the unpacking of her clothes and books. When everything was done and she was finally able to settle in her new room alone, she looked at herself in the mirror, her disheveled brown hair all over her shoulders, and a disenchanted smile on her lips did not reach her tired eyes. She thought out loud :

\- You are beginning to look as old as you feel, my dear.

On these words, she apologized to Lord Skywalker for not feeling well, and went straight to bed without dinner. It had been a long day, in such a short and stenuous life.

The first week passed in a hurry, as Rey was busy exploring the surroundings of Lord Skywalker's estate as well as the house itself. It was located in a beautiful part of the country, and there was much too see and many trails to walk. She mostly found herself leaving these trails however, and climbing random hills or crossing some parts of the forest, as if knowing the unknown parts of the land could make them feel like home a little bit more. The truth was she felt mostly alone, even if her newfound guardian and his servants were very nice to her, the master of the house was seldom to be seen as he cultivated a very peculiar lifestyle. Lord Luke Skywalker was indeed known to be a very solitary man.  
However when she came back from her walk, on the afternoon of her sixth day, she was surprised to find a carriage in front of the house. She cautiously entered and heard a voice coming from the main room, just as she entered it.

\- I will not be hearing any excuses today, my dear brother. If you are not doing it for yourself, you might as well do it for her, the poor girl is probably so bored in this sad house she is turning to stone as we speak.

\- We may have some time before she turns to anything, she is alive and breathing at the door.

Lord Skywalker made a gesture towards her, as he was sitting on a chair near the fireplace, with thin smile. His guest, that Rey recognized instantly as the Duchess Leïa Solo, turned to her with a surprised look. But the surprise did not last long, and as Rey managed the best bow she could, waiting for Lord Skywalker to introduce them, a great smile took place on his sister's face.

\- I may have never seen her before but I would have recognized her right away. No one from Ben Kenobi's family needs to be introduced to me, for they are of my own family too.

On these words, the Duchess approached Rey and took her hands. Astonished by such familiarity, but in a good way, she smiled back and tried to reply but was quickly interrupted.

\- Look at her dress, brother ! It is full of dirt ! Do you see how lonely she gets? It is settled then, Miss Kenobi needs to be introduced to some respectable and friendly society. In two days, no excuses, and bring this lovely wild animal with you Luke.

On these words and after an affectionnate little pat on Rey's cheek, Lady Solo left the room and the house without ceremony. Now that was a surprising encounter, she thought. She had never met the Lady, but she heard of her many times. A fierce woman, a brave woman, who gave up her Princess title to marry a commoner, and yet held still a lot of political power and knew every important people there was to know. Rey had never met anyone of this rank before, and felt a little bit troubled by her manners, but also very much impressed. A small laugh from Lord Skywalker woke her from her thought.

\- I know that look on your face, Rey. My dear sister tends to stuns people this way. But I fear she is right, I can not let you roam the countryside any longer, you need to make some acquaintances.

Rey smiled a little, not really knowing if it was good or bad news.

\- Should I be afraid of what is going to happen in two days then ?

\- Oh my dear, be very afraid, we are going to a ball and you will be the center of attention of the whole party.


	2. Wild and Ungraceful

The simple idea of a ball made Rey dizzy. Not that she was not craving company and friendship, she also felt a terrible amount of pressure regarding the people she was going to meet, and how she was to behave. She knew the rules, the manners, and the words she had to speak, but she was still a Kenobi. An orphan, isolated for most of her life, mostly trained in sword fighting and not in mundane conversations. Not a very charming depiction. She spent an insane amount of time rehearsing the dances she knew, but she was not the most graceful of girls. She was strong, full of energy and ideas. Trying to get better at singing and playing the piano in a day did not go very far either, for she was a woman of words and spirit and too instinctive to follow a music sheet. Rey fell asleep exhausted and frustrated that night.

When time came to get ready, she picked a white dress she liked and put some flowers in her hair. Her hairstyle was the only one she managed to do by herself, and she liked how bright it made her eyes look. She did not pinch her cheeks or bit her lips when she entered Lord Skywalker's carriage, nor had she wanted to wear any makeup, for she thought it useless. The anticipation made her cheeks red enough. Lord Skywalker probably noticed it, for he said :

 

\- I am sure you will have a great time tonight young lady, do you want to know why ?

 

\- I long to know ! It feels like entering a lion's den at the moment.

 

\- All of the people you are going to meet tonight are boring, and that is a proven fact. It is also why I hate to be around them. But you, my dear Rey, are the least boring human I know. If all you owned was a wooden stick, you would use it to climb a mountain or to knock out a bear, and you would have fun doing it. This evening is not even the beginning of a mountain.

 

His vibrant blue eyes were serious for a moment before he gave her one of his rare warm smiles, and she smiled back. It was just another hill around the house, another place to explore, she just had to not get her dress dirty this time.

They arrived at Lady Solo's estate in no time. It was grand, the largest mansion she had ever seen to be perfectly honest, how did people manage not to get lost in so many rooms ? It was full of guests and the instant she put her foot on the ground she felt like she was in another world. For a time when entering the house after Lord Skywalker, Rey thought about her dress and how simple it looked, when her eyes fell on the other Ladies' gowns. Well, a smile was a girl's best jewels, she had heard. Did she look so out of place ? Yes, she did. The ladies were magnificent, adorned with precious stones and wrapped in sumptuous fabrics, and here was Rey with small daisies in her hair. Their eyes were on her and she knew it, it was already late in her life to be introduced to society and people were probably wondering if she was some kind of eccentric creature.

But soon, her mind was elsewhere, when she discovered the ballroom. The ceiling was higher than any room she had ever visited, buzzing with voices and music, with couples dancing at the center and quiet conversations on the sides. Near the door, the Duchess Solo noticed her and they curtsied upon approaching eachother, both smiling widely.

 

\- What a beauty you are tonight, my dear Rey, and how happy I am to have you here ! It would have been a shame to keep you hidden tonight.

 

\- Thank you so very much, Madam, for inviting me. Words cannot express how grateful I...

 

\- Nonsense ! Do not thank me, for you will be of great use to me tonight. You see, there is so much friends of mine I need you to meet. We must start to introduce you at once !

 

On these words, and because she was not the type of person you could ever say no to, the Duchess started to have her meet some of the greatest persons she had ever heard of and never met and the most important guests of the party. Amongst them Lady Holdo, a lady of very good manners who expressed her deep sorrow over Mr Kenobi's passing. Then Miss Tico, older daughter of an ambassador, and her sister Rose, both very amiable, and she felt a very strong liking in the later, a timid but lovely girl who seemed to be trying so hard to be as good as her sister. Near them was Mr Dameron, to whom she was introduced as well. He had a charming smile and asked her to be is partner for the next dance, to which she shyly agreed. A little bit later, the two of them headed torwards the center of the room, just when everybody was taking their places, and when the music started Rey did her best to keep her movements as graceful and measured as everybody else's. Her partner, with a kind smile and curious eyes, started talking to help her relax.

 

\- Is it your first time dancing at a ball, Miss Kenobi ?

 

She lifted her eyes to his and answered with a smile :

 

\- Surprisingly, it is. I do assume you are astonished given my natural talent.

 

Mr Dameron laughed so sincerely she did not know if she was to be proud of herself for her good humor or ashamed of her terrible dancing. She decided not to think about it too much and let her eyes wonder a little bit more around the room.

Her gaze fell upon a gathering of gentlemen near one of the windows, when she noticed one of them starring at her. She had felt the insistent looks of some other people earlier during the evening, but this one was different. He did not avoid her eyes when they fell upon him, like everybody else did when they got caught, and he held it almost defiantly. He was one of the taller men in the room, probably in his late twenties, and even his dark clothes and long black hair could not hide him, it was impossible to miss him, and she wondered why she had not noticed him before. The staring was so blatant, as if he was judging each and every one of her moves, and was not very impressed about it. The bridge between their eyes held for a second before she had to turn and break it. Before she could think about it any further, the dance ended and she smiled to Mr Dameron with gratitude. He expressed many compliments about her first time dancing and shared some useful tips with her, before bowing his head and asking for a second dance during the evening, any time she would like. She blushed a little and said she would be pleased to try it again.

The youngest of the Tico sisters approached her again just when Mr Dameron left, and complimented her on her hair.

 

\- It is simple yet it moves so beautifully while you dance, you attracted some looks tonight Miss Kenobi.

\- I do hope my hair distracted people from the rest of my performance, honestly. And call me Rey, will you ?

 

The other girl smiled to her and insisted Rey should call her Rose, then. It was agreed, of course. Before they could take their conversation any further, a gentleman approached them and greeted Rose with a small bow of his head, to which she responded, quite hesitantly. He had bright ginger hair, and she remembered him to be one of the gentlemen standing near the man who stared at her. Rose and him exchanged some politeness questions about eachother's families, before she introduced him to Rey, which was obviously what he wanted.

 

\- Lord Hux, let me introduce you to Miss Rey Kenobi, granddaughter of Mr Benjamin Kenobi. She lives with Lord Skywalker.

 

Rey curtsied and held the intrigued gaze of Lord Hux.

 

\- A Kenobi ? Everyone is familiar with this name but I was beginning to believe it an extinct species after Mr Kenobi passed.

 

She opened her mouth to answer something she would probably have regretted, but luckily the man was so self absorbed that he did not even notice and continued talking.

 

\- For your sake, I do wish Lord Skywalker will let you enjoy this kind of event more often, you are never to find proper suitors in his isolated part of the country. Speaking of which, do you happen to have a partner for the next dance ?

 

A flicker of surprise passed in Rey's eyes before she countained it, mostly because of the gentleman's offer but also because Rose had discreetly grabbed her arm behind her back. It clearly translated into a warning, but a warning about what, she did not know, and Rey regained her composure just fast enough to force a smile on her lips.

 

\- You will have to forgive me sir, my head is spinning a little bit at the moment so I will have to sit for a moment before I dance again.

 

It was the first excuse she could think of, and it seemed like it worked, even if the man looked like he was not used to hearing anything close to a “no”. Mumbling something about how dancing with Mr Dameron is guarantee to make you feel sick, he took his leave shortly after, and Rose sighed in relief as soon as he was gone. Rey, however, noticed he was not going very far at all, for less than three meters from them he met with his mysterious tall friend, near the window. He was closer, this time, and she was able to see a little bit more of his face. He did not smile and his expression was full of pride and coldness, yet he was very handsome. He had a strong stature and she could see how other women were looking at him too. But again, he had his gaze fixated on Rey, and his eyes only left her when Lord Hux started talking to him, obviously about his recent meeting with her given the quick looks she received from them. She was only able to understand a few words the ginger said, but it was enough to make her cheeks red with shame.

 

\- … A Kenobi, can you believe that! … Definetely not accomplished … Wild and ungraceful, really, just as we thought …

 

And instantly, she understood the staring she naively mistook for interest. Without having to say a word, Rose gently took her arm and guided her to another part of the room. Of course, she had heard. Everyone around them who was paying attention had heard. Still, she moved with her chin held high, and she directed the fire in her eyes torwards the gentlemen one last time, before sitting at the farthest chair she could find.

 

\- I am sorry Lord Hux is so bad-mannered, you are a charming person. I was trying to tell you to accept his invitation to dance earlier, even if he is rude, he does not like to be rejected and he has relationships...

\- I would not dance with this man if my life depended on it. I do not care about what any friend of Lord Hux thinks about me, especially if they are this ill-bred.

 

This last part was a little bit of a lie, as her wounded pride was talking. But yet, how arrogant was it to send someone else to judge of her character, why had his friend not come himself ? To act as if she was not even worthy of an introduction. He was even worst than his ginger friend, sending his lap dogs to sniff around before him, was he too delicate a flower to go near a 18 year old girl ? He was probably right though, because had she brought a sword with her she would have been tempted to give his handsome face a scar to teach him some manners.

 

\- I thought you were already acquainted with Duke Solo, given how his mother likes you...

 

Rey lost tracks of her revenge thoughts for a second, and she frowned before asking Rose who was Duke Solo.

 

-The son of her Ladyship, Lord Hux's friend, Duke Benjamin Solo... ?

 

Well of course.

The worst person she had yet to meet had to be Lady Solo's son.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize for calling him "Benjamin" Solo but it was the only way to make it semi-believable in this context.  
> I sense this is going to be a sloooow introduction and a loooooog plot. Sorry about that. Let me know if I can improve or correct anything, here or on http://avaiel.tumblr.com/


	3. The next dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the longest of times between this chapter and the one before, I literally had the worst December of my life. I do hope it is at least interesting, I am always open for criticism on my work on my tumblr : http://avaiel.tumblr.com/

 

The journey home was long enough for Rey to think way too much about what had happened earlier. They had left early, much to the disappointment of their host, but it was a relief to Rey to leave the place. It was indeed a lion's den, just as she had thought, and even considering the pleasure she had to meet some of them, the evening still left a bittersweet feeling on her mind. It was just another mountain, Lord Skywalker said, yet a mountain had never disrespected her the way this despicable man did. It was not even the pathetic Lord Hux she hated at this very moment, it was Duke Solo, who did not even gave her a chance. “Wild and ungraceful, really, just as we thought“ they said, as if you could judge someone's character without even talking to them. She wanted to forget about this evening alltogether but the image of his face kept coming back behind her eyelids. She knew about the Solo son, by name, but not much. It was not a subject her grandfather liked to talk about. Now that Rey thought about it, Lord Skywalker never talked about him either when she was younger. Not that she could remember, at least. He had always been a shadow everybody wanted to avoid in conversations. After crossing paths with the man and his acquaintances, she could understand why. He also happened to be named Benjamin like her grandfather, which added to the irony. And he was a Solo, the son of the woman she admired most in the whole country, nephew of her guardian. It was not like he did not have the potential to be a good person, he had the name, the rank and was even blessed with one of the most handsome face she had ever witnessed. His stature was impressive too, like an ancient greek statue of Ares, he seemed as if he was made of marble. A true mythological description of a hero, she thought. Rey also asked herself what he was like with people he happened to like, if he would have introduced himself to her had she bore another name. Would he smile to girls who wore shinier dresses and jewels in her hair ? Was she really such an ungraceful beast, for people to judge her so easily ? Since when did she care about what people thought about her, anyway ?

Those thoughts occupied a majority of her mind during the trip as Lord Skywalker fell asleep for most of the time, so when they arrived home she went into her bedroom and stayed there, trying to answer this question until she fell asleep : why did she care if this hateful man thought ill of her ? Not finding any answers she liked, she resolved herself to not think about it too much.

 

The following weeks were calm enough even if Rey did recieve some visitors. The Tico sisters managed to pay her a visit once, ten days after the ball, to get to know her better. She had even been invited to spend some time with them at their London house, later in the month, an offer she happily accepted. Mr Dameron also came by, to try and convince Lord Skywalker to go hunting with him, to which the later only answered with a laugh and left the room without even saying goodbye. Their guest did not seem surprised or upset, and Rey then spent some of the afternoon with him, as she liked his good humor. She sought solace in the fact that she was not alone anymore.

She left for London with the youngest of the Tico sisters at the beginning of march, and during the trip she learned that Rose was to be engaged very soon to an army officer, a man she fondly called “her” Finn. Then, on the second day of her stay in London, she was of course invited to attend the engagement party of her friend.

 

Even if her last encounter with society had been such an eye-opening experience, she decided to stay herself once again. No fancy jewelery, no somptuous dresses, it was all a waste of time she could have spent reading a good book or taking care of her soon-to-be-engaged friend. In her white cotton dress embroidered with lilies she knew she would feel more at ease than anybody else that night.

 

When the first guests started arriving, she had the pleasure to recognize some familiar faces from the Duchess' ball, like Mr Dameron for example. Rose also introduced her to THE Finn, an amiable and kind young man with a very likable personnality. How lucky were they, she thought, to have found eachother. Rey knew that he was not the best match Rose could have had, regarding his fortune, but it was obvious how in love they were with eachother. She did not envy them, but there was a tiny part of her who wondered if she would ever be able to marry for love.

Some hours into the party, as the dancing and the conversations were at their peak, some late guests made their entrance. While she was speaking with Miss Paige Tico, Rey catched a glimpse of the Duchess Solo and made her way through the crowd to greet her. She had already been noticed by her Ladyship when Rey saw him. Entering the room after his mother, was Duke Solo; like a tall and dark shadow behind his mother. He was surrounded by his entourage consisting of two ladies, a tall blonde one and a second one, more petite and about her size, and Lord Hux. All of them looking at her like she was a terrible stain amongst the rest of the guests. Or at least that what she felt like at this very moment, because when she did stare a little bit longer at the Solo son she mostly found curiosity in his eyes. Keeping her composure, Rey greeted the Duchess as she intended with a wide smile, without even looking at the intruders standing behind.

 

\- My dear Rey, how happy I am to see you ! How are you, do you like London ? It is without a doubt more interesting than staying with my brother all day long.

 

\- I do like the city but nothing makes me happier than the countryside, your grace.

 

After a hearty laugh and some more small talk, with an affectionnate smile, Lady Solo turned torwards her son to talk to him. Surprisingly, he seemed to be waiting quietly behind his mother, but even if his friends were gone he did not seem by any mean more approachable. Rey's uneasiness only increased when she understood that the Duchess was going to introduce them, and she tried to not let her feelings appear on her face but she was not able to keep all of her concern from showing.

 

\- Let me introduce you to my son, Benjamin Solo, I do not believe you two have ever met before. Rey Kenobi is the young protégée of your uncle Luke, and granddaughter of Mr Benjamin Kenobi.

 

Oh he knows that, he knows that very well, she thought. Lady Solo then went to greet Lady Holdo quickly, leaving the two of them alone. Rey's eyes met his just as he drew nearer of her, bowing his shoulders just slightly. Is it even human to be so tall ? She wondered while bowing her neck just as slightly as he did. His voice surprised her when he started speaking. It was low yet very soft.

 

\- Our paths crossed once before, I believe, Miss Kenobi. At my mother's ball earlier this year, if you remember.

 

“ Oh you mean when you publicly ridiculed me ? I remember it fairly well but please be my guest, remind me again in details “ was what she wanted to answer. But of course, she said none of that, and just spoke with the thinnest of smiles and probably some thunder in the depths of her hazel eyes.

 

\- I do remember, my Lord. Your mother is a delightful hostess, she has savoir vivre and she knows how to make her guests feel at ease.

 

Rey insisted on that last part, maybe a little bit more than good manners would have allowed. She could see he catched her implied criticism of his behavior in the way his eyebrows raised, just slightly. Not shaken in his impassiveness, he replied :

 

\- Yes my mother is very good at... people. I noticed you are too, you made quite the impression on the ball's night.

 

\- An impression I made on someone I never talked to in my life is probably not very realistic, is it ?

 

Yet again, it was not the most polite thing to say and probably the best way to make him believe everything he has been told about her. But it was the frustration talking, she wanted to be judged on her actions, her words, her wit. Not her rank or her name, and definitely not by what Lord Armitage Hux thought.

The man did not even bother to look irritated, and the corners of his mouth even raised a little as he looked almost amused. He dropped his words like stones in water.

 

\- If you are not otherwise engaged, may I have the next dance, Miss Kenobi ? 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not hesitate to leave me a comment if I made any mistake or if I can improve anything, this is still very new to me.


	4. The name you carry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry about the short length of the chapter, I still have troubles writing in english and I always feel like I am putting too much words everywhere so I tried to get to the point as efficiently as I could. Let me know if you would like longer chapters, of course.

The audacity of the man was unbelievable. The sheer amount of self-satisfaction he displayed on this very moment was driving her to the edge of rage, and she felt the intensity of her feelings rise to her cheeks. Was he dodging her question ? Was he trying to prove her wrong, that his impression of her was perfectly accurate and that she would never even take the risk to be ridiculed by dancing with him ? Was he expecting a good laugh out of it, to share with his acquaintances ? The indecipherable way he was looking at her right now was the most unbearable thing she had ever witnessed, and yet she was wanting to accept his offer with every particle of her being. To prove him wrong, she thought to herself.  
Rey regained her composure as quickly as she could, and the most natural smile she could manage. She accepted his offer, but said that she wanted to breathe some fresh air near the windows before dancing as there were still a few minutes left. He obligedShe turned her back to him promptly and went near said windows, but it was mostly to exchange some words with Paige who sat there near Mr Dameron. As soon as she was close enough, Paige rose from her seat, intrigued by her friend's expression.

\- Oh my dear Rey ! Is there anything wrong ?

Rey looked at her with a small grimace.

\- I am sometimes in utter disbelief of my own decisions.

A loud laugh escaped Mr Dameron's mouth at these words, and he looked at them both with amusement, with a smile that went up to his eyes as he said :

\- Tell us Rey, what did the big bad Duke Solo say to you this time ?

\- He was perfectly polite and asked me to dance with him !

Rey said that with the most desperate of tones while Mr Dameron pretended to look shocked, while Paige's eyebrows raised to the middle of her forehead. The latter answered first, quickly followed by Poe's sarcasms.

\- That man definitely does not dance...

\- I cannot believe my ears ! A rich single gentleman inviting one of the prettiest girls of the ball to dance ! Such nonsense cannot be conceived.

Rey slightly rolled her eyes at Mr Dameron's words, but not without a smile. Even Paige nodded her head in approvement of his words, with a reassuring smile, before she spoke again in a more serious tone.

\- I find it hard to believe that the Duke can act in a way that even resembles human behavior, even if you are charming my dear Rey.

\- You do know that none of you is helping me at this very moment ?

Mr Dameron laughed again a little bit, and acted as if he wanted to sound reassuring and answer with solicitude.

\- We may never know what is happening inside Benjamin Solo's head, but if only a quarter of what people say about him is true, please do not step on his foot. And if you do, please be assured that I was very glad to have known you.

He smiled widely and Rey was just about to ask him some questions about “what people say about him” when Paige took her most polite voice to greet the Duke Solo, who was approaching them. He returned a quick greeting to her and bowed just slightly, barely acknowledging Mr Dameron's presence without saying a word. The latter did not seem to notice this behavior but did not look like he was going to move anywhere either. Duke Solo then them turned to Rey and held out his hand to her.  
Swallowing a little bit harder than she would have wanted to, Rey placed her hand upon his and followed him to the center of the room, where the other dancers were taking their places. Luckily it was a short distance away, for she was a bit irritated and annoyed at the way people were looking at them. His group of friends at the back of the room, the ladies and Lord Hux, looked at her from head to toe with disdain before they met with the Duke's gaze and went back to their conversation. She would soon understand that it was how everyone acted around him, as if he was going to explode at any given moment.  
How is he so tall, she asked herself again, and she dared not lift her eyes to his face as they were so close, but she expected him to look just as cold as always.  
It was a way bigger room, this time, than the time she danced with Mr Dameron. And there was many more faces she did not know, as the engagement of the daughter of an ambassador was a political event. As they reached the center of the room, she inhaled deeply and let go of his hand, while placing herself in front of him.  
When the music started, she managed to get lost a little bit more in the moment and lightly moved around with him. She looked at the Duke with more attention. He was tall, and broad, but he moved swiftly and with an impressive precision. His eyes were serious but his hands moved lightly when they catched hers, and he even held her close to him for a second. Still holding her, his face drew nearer of hers and he whispered quietly into her ear :

\- Why do you care so much about what I think of you, Miss Kenobi ?

Her whole body wanted to turn to stone, because of his words but also because of their sudden proximity, but she fought herself. She separated from him to take a spin around some of the other dancers, but met back with his hands too fast for her to think about her words before answering coldly.

\- Why do you assume that I care ? Were you not the one who sent a spy to see if I was as “wild” as you thought, your Grace ?

The Duke held her close again, and she could feel his hands holding hers a bit more strongly than earlier, when she found herself back in his arms. They probably were a little bit too close, but Rey wanted to believe that it was probably to better hear eachother's voices. But even she knew it to be wrong.

\- Do you think I would give credit to a man's words about a woman who just rejected him ? I understand the frustration to be judged for the name you carry.

Rey held his gaze, not knowing what to answer for once, and for a brief moment she only saw a man. As if it was the first time she saw him, as if she had not been thinking about him and his actions for weeks. His eyes were darker than hers, but they were soft and deep, his full lips were parted slightly. Under his eyes were stories she would probably never know. A beautiful picture of unusual handsomeness. She wondered why she had never heard of him, and why everybody had avoided talking about him. What did he do ? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my Ben Solo looks a little bit nice and soft right now. Do not count on that too much, this boy has issues.


	5. The Value of a Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer than the other chapters and took a lot more time, I hope it shows.

 

 

As the end of their time together grew nearer, they exchanged partners for an instant and Rey reminded herself of the loneliness she had felt the first time she met him. And how easily he had let her be humiliated. When she was near him again, the words she spoke were harsh but heartfelt.

 

\- I do not presume to know what a man like you believes, nor would I judge you for your name, but I can see and judge your actions. To me, the value of a man is about what he defends, what he fights for. To stay silent at the face of injustice and disrespect is to encourage it.

 

Lord Solo seemed to lose track of his dancing for a second, she could see him process her answer, luckily almost at the same time the music came to an end. With the smallest bow she could manage without being disrespectful, even if what she had just said was way worse, Rey separated from him and left him in the middle of the other dancers without even waiting for him to accompany her back to her friends. If she had looked back, but she did not, she would have seen what everybody else saw: a very tall and visibly surprised gentleman, quietly watching her walk away until she was lost in the crowd. This very gentleman would spend the rest of the party with his friends, quiet as a tombstone, to everyone's relief and astonishment.

 

For the rest of the evening, Rey spent her time with her friends near the fire, and she wished to talk about anything but the Duke Benjamin Solo. She decided to enjoy the happiness of her friend Rose and the pride of the fiancé, the stories about the first time they met or when he asked her father if he could marry her. She could feel the joy, and the hope they carried, and it made her happy as if it had been an eternity. Hours flew by, and after some of Mr Dameron's cleverest jokes, however, it was time for the party to end as almost everyone had vanished from the room already.

 

 

The next days were much more quiet and Rey was able to spend some time in relative serenity, as she focused on enjoying Paige and Rose's company. These days then became a week, and another. On the first day of spring, however, it was decided that they were all to go and visit Lady Holdo, for she had the most wonderful garden and she had offered Rose to choose the flowers for her wedding bouquet before the wedding. A little bit of nature was all that Rey wanted, and she longed to feel the sun on her skin after these long days in the city.

They decided to go early in the afternoon, and took the carriage, for it was on the other side of London. Rey would not have minded a little walk, but she agreed, and when she understood how busy and loud the streets got when they crossed the center and the main streets, she was glad to be sitting comfortably. Turning her head torwards the other ladies, she catched Rose looking at her with an amused smile.

 

\- Do you really hate the city so much, my dear Rey ?

 

She smiled back at her friend, before answering her in her most serious tone.

 

\- Maybe I do, but do not worry about me dear Rose for I have survived much worse.

 

Paige then intervened with her usual good humor.

 

\- Well, you did dance with Benjamin Solo, so I firmly believe you can survive London.

 

Rey nodded in agreement, and it even made her smile. But her mind went back to this moment. She had forbidden herself to think about it too much, for she did not want to feel like she cared about anything that had happened or had been said, and before she could think about what she was saying, words escaped her mouth :

 

\- I mean dancing with him was not the difficult part, he does that very well...

 

Her friends exchanged an almost concerned look, and she realized she had been saying something nice about the Duke Solo for the first time. In a matter of seconds, she could have sworn every drop of blood in her entire body had rushed to her cheeks. Before she could add anything, Paige spoke slowly.

 

\- Well it is not his dancing I worry about, Rey...

 

Paige had hesitation in her voice, but her sister took her hand and pressed it lightly to encourage her, as if they had both been waiting to talk about something.

 

\- We never talked about this evening, and I was certain that spending some time with him would convince you to avoid him. However, knowing you, your silence worries me more than anything.

 

Rey wanted to reassure her that if anything, it had been a very unpleasant encounter and she never wanted to see him ever again. But she could not bring herself to lie to her friends, for every fiber of her being was growing more and more invaded with unresolved interrogations about Benjamin Solo. So she stayed quiet, even if it pained her to confirm her friend's intuitions.

 

\- I never understood why you, of all people, knew nothing about him. I suppose it is harder for the people closest to him to talk about it, but I think it is only fair for you to know at least as much as we do.

 

She took a deep breath, and Rey followed her words with attention.

 

\- We all know that at one time the Duchess Leia Solo had rights to the throne of England because of her her mother Queen Padme who died during childbirth. At her death, Lord Palpatine assumed the Regency of the country with the support of the Queen's widower Prince Anakin, while secretely trying to eliminate the children, and the rest is history. Leia and Luke even fought with the rebellion against their own father to take the throne back, and both Palpatine and him died in this uprising.

 

It was all well known history, but Rey sensed that it was coming to the interesting parts, and it was as if all of the noise in the streets were suddenly silenced. No one dared to move a finger in the carriage.

 

\- What I know of the rest of the story is from my father. During this rebellion, Lady Solo who was still known as Princess Leia fell in love with a commoner named Han Solo. The Crown's Advisors were not happy about it, but since Prince Luke had expressed his decision not to ascend the throne, it was even worse... Queen Padme had married a commoner too and he had become the greatest threat the country had ever faced, people were scared, and soon Princess Leia understood that she would never be supported as a Queen and that she and Solo would be in constant danger if she ascended the throne and married him... So she made a choice, and she choose to marry for love, renouncing the Crown for her and all of her children, and she becomes the Duchess Leia Solo.

 

\- I never knew why neither of them ended up on the throne. My grandfather never told me about it.

 

\- My father told me it was a complicated time, and I understand her decision. But I do not think her son ever understood. In his younger years, I have been told he was a lonely child, Lord Skywalker was his mentor for a while but it did not end well. His acquaintances are not a good influence on him, mostly his politician friend Lord Snoke. Lord Snoke always seems to put dangerous ideas in his head, and lately he has become even more unpredictable, especially since his father passed away in strange circumstances.

 

Strange circumstances ? Now that she thought about it, she had always been told that Han Solo's death had been natural and never thought to ask for details. It was not really a question you were supposed to ask. And now, Rey was ready to ask questions, but unfortunately the carriage stopped as they reached their destination and she could almost hear Paige's sigh of relief to not have to answer any more question. She knew Paige held Lady Solo in great esteem and probably felt guilty about spilling her secrets to other people, but it was so deeply frustrating to know so little about a family she felt so close to. Reluctanctly, she followed her friends and got off the carriage.

 

For some hours afterwards, she managed to put her mind to helping Rose in her flower choice, even enjoying it when she got to walk a little bit amongst the beautiful apple trees at the back of the garden. They were not blossoming yet, but she could imagine how beautiful they probably would be at the beginning of april. At the end, the three of them had decided on white camellias for the bouquet and Lady Holdo was very happy to prepare them for the wedding. They left after some tea and went home. No one spoke about anything else than the usual agreeable topics in the carriage, even if everything they had discussed earlier was very much still on Rey's mind, but she would never have spoiled Rose's day with questions she was uncomfortable with.

 

At home, Rey found a letter from Lord Skywalker, which was surprising knowing that the man was not known for taking the time to write. She had send him some letters to let him know everything was going fine in London, so he would not get worried, even if she knew he trusted her. He had a surprising amount of trust in her, as if nothing could hurt her, as if she could overcome anything anyway. It was frightening in a way, because he was supposed to protect her, but it was also very empowering. Because she felt like she was different from other young women, but in a good way for once.

She sat in the boudoir to read it. The letter was short and he mostly talked about the domain, and it ended with some words encouraging her to stay safe during her trip. It was unusual, but she did not pay much attention to it. She was wondering if she wanted to answer it now, when Rose entered the room with excitement all over her face.

 

\- I have great news! We are invited to dinner at Mr Dameron's house this sunday with my dearest Finn, just before we leave London. A wonderful excuse to spend some time in town tomorrow, for I am so nconcerned about the wedding preparations I cannot bear to spend another day in this house.

 

Rey's mind finally had something new to think about, and she smiled as she genuinely shared her friend's enthusiasm for the rest of the day. Deep down, however, she knew it would be a great occasion to ask some more questions.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried to make the Skywalker/Solo family history work in this context, I've worked on it for days but I still do not know how well it fits. Let me know if you have any thoughts about it on here or on : http://avaiel.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

 

This beautiful spring morning was spent getting ready, or in Rey's particular case waiting for her friend Rose to get ready for a good hour. Paige was not feeling well and prefered to stay at home, but she helped her sister with her hair. Rey did admire the kindness they showed to each other, and could not help but to ask herself how nice it would have been to have a larger family. Fortunately, she still had their company sometimes and at this very moment, she had books and a good chair near the window. It was all she needed. She knew she could have spent some more time on her hair or her dress, but in her mind, it had never been the interesting part. As lovely as her time in London had been, it was not a life she would miss very much, except for the company of her friends.

After they left the Tico's townhouse with the carriage, it was a short ride to go to the sister's favourites shops. The interest started to grow in Rey's thoughts, and she took part in the excitement as much as she could. When they arrived, Rose insisted to show her where she found the fabric for her wedding dress, and she agreed. They marvelled at the details and the embroideries for some minutes, before heading out towards another dress shop Rose also liked very much. The sun was warm on their cheeks and they were having such an interesting conversation about what they would be eating on the following day at Mr Dameron's dinner that they did not pay much attention to anything else while walking. Conversations about food tended to affect them that way, for they were both very good at pretending to be well-behaved ladies while eating as much as greek epicureans at a social event.

Sometimes later, the two of them were still so caught up in their speculations that when they came across a familiar face in front of a tea room, it took Rey way too long to realize who she was staring at. She quickly understood that the lady probably could have heard her and Rose laugh from a mile away, which explained why she noticed them. She remembered seeing her at the engagement ball, with the Duke, an elegant, young lady with dark hair. When she noticed the disdain on her face, Rey's smile faded instantly, as if the iciness in the other's eyes had frozen her into place, but Rose's steps helped her to keep walking. She had two friends with her and did not even try to be discreet when she pointed at Rey with a light movement of the hand.

Incomprehension filled Rey's mind and probably her face to, and she turned to Rose, mainly to not have to look at the other woman. Her friend had noticed the rudeness of the lady's acts but decided to keep a neutral expression until they were mostly out of sight from the group. When she was sure to be far enough, she leaned towards Rose to ask her if she knew who the woman was.

\- This awful person is _Mademoiselle_ Bazine Netal.

\- Mademoiselle?

\- Yes, she is French, and if you ever speak to her she will probably let you know a dozen times.

Rose looked at her with a blasé expression on her face and started speaking with an exaggerated French accent.

\- My name is Bazine, I am from _Paris_ and my father is a _Comte_ , we are the nephews of the uncle of the brother of Louis XVIII. Oh and I despise every human beings if they do not bear a title of _Noblesse_.

Rey smiled at her friend's impressive impersonation, and the arrogance on Miss Netal's face suddenly made a lot more sense. But the fact that it was so openly directed at her did not, as she had never met the woman before.

\- I did not think my lack of a title that was visible on my face!

\- It is not about your face, my dear Rey... I mean, she is part of the Duke's entourage, so your face probably has something to do with her behaviour.

\- What is wrong with my face now?

A playful smile on her lips, Rose shrugged innocently and grabbed Rey's arm before answering.

\- Nothing is wrong with your face. But it is common knowledge that Miss Bazine has been trying to get closer to Duke Solo for months but there is still no engagement to this day. I believe you ruined her marriage plans when you managed to make him dance, for she tried many times and never succeeded.

Will people ever forget that he asked me to dance once?

\- Miss Netal will not forget, Rey, and she will probably hate you for the rest of your life. As if you cared.

Ret rolled her eyes, but for a second, she considered the thought and visualized Miss Netal's uptight and arrogant expression earlier. It all felt very childish to her to act this way for such a reason, but given the lady's acts, it did not seem so out of character. Yet, she could not understand why a person of a way higher rank than her own could feel threatened by what had happened. The dance they had shared had nothing romantic in nature, and she had made her thoughts clear to the Duke, just as he had expressed his values when he let his friend embarrass her. But a part of her, no matter how small, was still satisfied to be considered as a threat by someone as despicable as her, even if she probably would never meet Benjamin Solo again. Or at least, it seemed to be the only explanation for the tinge of pride she was feeling growing in her throat on the way home.

 

The beginning of the following day was especially ordinary and nothing great happened. At least until the last hours of the morning came, when and a letter arrived for Rey. It was from Duchess Solo and Rey opened it with eagerly, before reading it aloud to her friends, and they discovered together that Rey was invited to spend some days at her Ladyship's estate when they left London on the following day. Lady Solo was to join her a few days later, but she had expressed hope to spend some time with Rey before she, in her own words, “goes back to hiding in the hills like a wild animal”. Paige gave her an amused look at this sentence, and they both knew why. It was all agreed quickly, and she sent a letter back as soon as they had finished reading, while also writing to Lord Skywalker to let him know, even if she knew for a fact that he probably did not care that much.  
Rey had seen Lady Solo's domain once before and she felt the most impatient she had been in years when she realized she would be able to see more of it. And of course, the prospect of meeting Lady Solo again was even more interesting. Her face wore a radiant smile for the rest of the day and a trembling excitement seized her hands at some unexpected moments.

Later, upon arriving at Mr Dameron's house for dinner, she had mostly regained her composure, and she spent a good portion of the evening without mentioning her excitement. When they had finished eating, however, and she sat with Rose and Poe while Paige and some other guests were playing cards, their host inquired about her journey home and she told the good news. The gentleman raised an eyebrow and the shadow of a smile slowly grew on his lips.

\- You, Rey Kenobi, are going to the stay at the Solo estate? Has it occurred to you that this domain is also sometimes inhabited by our dear Benjamin Solo?

Of course, she had thought about that. Or she had planned to think about that. Or, more likely, she had decided just a second ago that it was not that important and that he was probably going to stay in London for most of the Season. There was almost no chance to meet him. She shrugged and looked impassive.

\- Unless this country is smaller than I thought or I am just very unlucky, I do not think I will even see the shadow of a black hair in the Solo house.

\- I hope for his sake that you are right. I do not believe his dignity could survive a second encounter with you.

Rey could not help but smile at these words but did not say more, and they ended up joining the card game a little bit later.

When they went home, after the evening had become morning, her mind had decided that the moment to think about the Benjamin Solo problem was now. While lying in her bed, she wondered why there was such a distinct difference between what she heard about him lately, what people seemed to think of him, how he acted with his entourage and the man she had spent some time with. All of those versions of Benjamin Solo did not fit into the same person. She had spent only minutes in his company, obviously less time than the other people who had talked to her about him. Yet he had been polite, well-mannered, and he even seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her. Not the monster she had expected. Paige and Rose had talked about a dangerous man, but he had made himself vulnerable to her by stepping out of his habits for her. Miss Netal seemed to long in vain for his attention, as if he was as cold-hearted as a statue. But did give her attention, even if she was way below his rank. Suddenly, a realization hit her like an awakening.  
She had criticized the man for forming an opinion of her based on what other people said about her because he asked questions about her character to other people instead of asking her. He had let his friends say unpleasant things about her. How unfair was it for her to judge him when she had believed the things her friends had told her without even giving him a chance to prove them wrong?  
Amongst all of those thoughts that form in the middle of the night, of which we do not recall much when we wake up, one question survived. If she was to see him ever again, she wondered if she would meet the man she kept hearing about, or Benjamin Solo as she had known him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a promise, Benjamin Solo is written in the next chapter.  
> PROMISE.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously changed the way I write for this chapter and I do think it shows, however I don't know if it is for the best. If you have liked it or disliked it please let me know with a comment or on my tumblr http://avaiel.tumblr.com/ it will be greatly appreciated.

  
Upon arriving at Lady Solo's domain on Monday afternoon, Rey had said goodbye to Paige and Rose and had been welcomed by the housekeeper, a very small and old but pleasant woman who insisted on offering her a tour of the whole house while her bedroom was being prepared. Despite being fatigued by her journey, Rey was eager to see more of the splendid estate, and she agreed. When she entered the house, she was impressed once again by the majesty of the entry hall. The height of the ceiling and the elegance of the ornaments, the size of the stunning stairs and the pristine Italian white marble tiles. She had never been very sensitive to material displays of wealth, but such an attention to details elevated it a work of art. Rey noticed a fair amount of statues and paintings in most of the rooms, and she asked the housekeeper about one in particular, in the ballroom she had already visited once. She had not noticed it before but it was by far the most beautiful she had ever seen, a marble rendition of a woman draped in white cloth.  
  
\- She is from Sir Benjamin's personal collection, I believe this one is called Persephone. I am not as knowledgeable about Greek mythology as him, unfortunately, but I do remember him adoring those tales when he was younger.  
  
Rey remembered parts of Persephone's story that she probably had heard when she studied mythology, but not much. She knew of her infamous husband, Hades, the invisible master of the underworld. That Benjamin Solo was interested in Greek mythology did not surprise her, and family issues were also a redundant theme in those stories. Stories of glory, hatred, madness, love, patricides... How dangerous was it for a younger Lord Solo to hear stories about those great heroes and kings, demigods remembered by all after centuries, as he discovered what his own legacy could have been. Was he vulnerable enough that the thought of a throne he should have owned could bring him to such pinnacles of hate for his family? Could the missed opportunity of greatness and fame drive a lonely soul to the depths of rage? Such reasoning occupied her thoughts for a good part of the afternoon.  
  
After visiting more rooms than she could remember, Rey was convinced that she would probably get lost a few times before managing to find her way around the house. At least she had a few more days before the Duchess' arrival and could take the time to improve her orientation skill. After dinner that evening, when she went to her bedroom to go to sleep, she took some time to think about her day. It felt strange for her to be alone, after being with Paige and Rose for weeks, and to be where she was. The house was the most beautiful she had ever seen, and the gardens of the domain were so huge she still had no idea where they ended, but she longed to discover. After putting on her white nightgown, Rey went to her bedroom's window at the second floor to enjoy the view of the property at night. It was dark, and it felt so quiet after so many nights in London. The trees were moving lightly and gracefully, and she opened her window to enjoy some fresh air.  
After a minute of contemplation, however, her eyes were drawn to a small moving light coming from the main road, and she understood quickly that it was a carriage. The horses were running so fast, it was probably urgent. It was clearly heading toward the estate and entered the domain despite the late hour, horses still running rapidly.  
She was leaning a little bit to the side of the window to see better when the carriage stopped in front of the doors and at least three servants, from what she could see, rushed outside. When a dark silhouette stepped outside of the coach, draped in a black coat and hat, she felt like she recognized the cut of his long hair and the particular shape of his shoulders.The coat was long and heavy, but elegant and well-tailored. He took off his black leather gloves and his hat, and she was sure of herself. She also knew she had been stupid to think she would not see him in here. Benjamin Solo was giving instructions about his luggage, his deep voice echoing into the cold of the night. His breathing formed small clouds of steam when he talked. Rey noticed how soft his tone was, even if she was not able to understand the words he was saying. There was no music, no need for him to raise his voice this time, so it just covered the silence like water on the riverbed. He did not say much to his servants, and she was left wondering why he had to come back from London so early into the Season. She was probably being too curious but being able to observe him without being seen made it easier to question his every move. A mental note was made about the way he carried the heavy luggage from the carriage to the door, as if the box was light as a feather, before replacing a wild strand of hair who had taken place in front of his eyes.  
When he was apparently going to head inside, she decided to close her window, as she realized a cold wind had risen. The window made a small noise when she closed it, the light squeak would have been unnoticeable to most people, but when she looked outside again the Duke had his gaze fixated on her from the ground floor, visibly surprised for a second. He could see her as well as she had seen him, for the lights in her room were still on, and he even turned to face her better, before bowing slightly his shoulders. But his eyes never left hers. Startled, Rey tilted her head to return his gesture as best as she could before closing her curtains quickly. Her hands were shaking a bit more than she would have admitted to, and the rhythm of her heart took some time to get back to its usual pace. Still, when she slipped under the covers of her bed, her lips wore a smile as she was once again in utter disbelief of her own decisions. But of course, she would not have admitted this part either.  
  
The first rays of the sun sneaking between the curtains of her room woke her up the following morning, and for a delicious second when she opened her eyes, she thought she was back at home. Home, in her head, was a lovely house in the depths of the countryside where her grandfather was always up before her. The first hours of the morning were Benjamin Kenobi's favorites. She still remembered the time he told her: “You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. You might be thinking it is too early, but as I get older I would rather be too early than too late, young one. I would rather see too much of the night than not enough of the day.” When he passed, she had thought about these words, in particular, a lot. She had never felt like it was this simple, as if he was just making the most out of his last years, nothing her grandfather said was ever simple. He wanted to see the sunrise every day, as if to make sure light always followed darkness, always, every time. Sometimes she wished she had asked more questions, because he was always very good at seeming like he never felt anything. She sometimes wished she was as good as him at hiding.  
When she understood she was in fact not home, it was a feeling she had avoided for a long time. A terrible and daunting feeling of loneliness. The emptiness of realizing the only human who really knew her was gone, as if her only way of translating the thoughts in her head was not working anymore, yet she still wanted to use it like a newly missing limb.  
So she did what she had done very morning for months, she tied her hair and rinsed her face with cold water before getting dressed in a blue dress. Silently, she put her feelings back in the corner of her mind and went downstairs to eat some breakfast.  
  
She had almost forgotten about Benjamin Solo at first, but when she noticed the way the servants were acting she was reminded of the Master's return. The man did not make an appearance at the breakfast table, however. While eating, Rey spent a lovely moment exchanging with the housekeeper she had met the previous day whom she learned was named Mrs Kanata, and after finishing her tea she decided to finally go for a walk around the gardens.  
  
After a quick detour in her room, where she grabbed one of her books in case she found a place where she could sit for a while, she went down the stairs in a hurry and she had to fight herself not to run outside. The night had been cold, but the morning was radiant and she felt almost blinded by the sun at first. The gardens were kept in a very thoughtful way, it felt natural and almost wild, yet she could see how much work had been put into it. But she was not interested in the organized parts, and she left behind the roses bushes and the elaborate flowerbeds.  
Twenty minutes of walking later, Rey found herself near a lake in the far south part of the property. It was beautiful and glistened in the sun like it was summer already, as if it had been waiting for her to sit and enjoy the view. She sat, her back against a tree, and put her book on her knees for some well-deserved reading time.  
  
Time flew by with only the wind and some birds singing to punctuate the beginning of the afternoon. After some hours, however, she heard a slight thumping sound coming from behind her, probably not very far. She put down her book at her feet and turned towards the sound source. From what she had heard, she assumed it was a trotting horse, and she sincerely hoped whoever rode this horse was not coming anywhere near her.  
Highly disappointed, she noticed the rider and his mount making their way through the trees around the lake and heading almost straight to her. Even from far away, she was able to recognize the black coat and long hair of the man and was almost not surprised to cross Benjamin Solo's path once again. But still, she rose to her feet and picked up her book as quickly as if she had been bitten by a bee, and lightly dusted some of the dried leaves that stuck on her dress while he approached her. The opulence of his usual black suit was especially visible in the daylight, even under his heavy winter cloak. She wondered how in the world he could wear that on such a sunny day. Her eyes rose to his face and met with his as she unconsciously thought how different he looked, with his dark hair basked in daylight. When he was only 5 or 6 meters away from her, he stopped and his hands tightened for a second, before dismounting his horse. When he then walked to her, she noticed his features looked different than when she had met him earlier, less tense and stiff. Before she had any occasion to think any further about said features, he greeted her with a small bow of his broad shoulders. Even when he leaned this way his size was impressive.  
  
\- Miss Kenobi. May I say I am surprised to find you here?  
  
He was so close that she noticed for the first time the constellation of moles covering his face. How had she not seen it earlier? She forced herself to focus on his eyes, and she could not help but notice the warm shade of brown of his pupils.  
  
\- Are you really, your Grace? I thought your mother would have told you she invited me to stay at your estate for a few days.  
  
The corners of his lips curled up in the shadow of a smile, as he placed his hands behind his back. He radiated of a confidence she knew all too well.  
  
\- She did tell me. She just thought I would not be here myself. I meant that I am surprised to find you in this part of the domain, we have a prettier orchard near the main gardens where you could sit more comfortably... on a bench, maybe?  
  
He insisted on the last part with a quick glance at where she had been sitting earlier. She was almost answering that she loved this part of the gardens better and was perfectly fine with sitting in the dirt, thank you very much, but her natural good humour decided otherwise.  
  
\- Is that why you were searching for me, because you are worried about my comfort?  
  
Rey ended her sentence with a smile, tilting her face to the side a little bit, as if to defuse any possible aggressivity in her tone. She wanted to see if his role of the distant gentleman could crack, and reveal something else she still did not know.  
His eyebrows raised a little bit, and he opened his lips slightly and she expected him to deny her words. He said nothing for a second, however, but his eyes travelled from her face to her neck, and then observed all of the length of her blue dress down to the ground. It lasted for a second but when his eyes met hers again there was an intensity that was not there before.  
  
\- Well, you are my guest. Your comfort is my... utmost priority.  
  
He stepped just a little bit closer to her, and even if he was still at an appropriate distance she felt like he had closed all of the space between them. Still wearing a small smile, almost defiantly, she lifted her chin accordingly to support his gaze, but her hands clutched around her book tightened slightly when he spoke again.  
  
\- Besides, I wonder what yourself were searching for yesterday night at your window, but perhaps you can enlighten me ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benjamin Solo, your Kylo Ren is showing boy.  
> Once again any comment brings joy to my heart and thank you for being so many to read my words, I know it is not that good and I still need a lot of training especially because I write in another language than my own but I am VERY thankful for your support. <3  
> See you soon for another chapter !


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

 

\- Besides, I wonder what yourself were searching for yesterday night at your window, but perhaps you can enlighten me?

He had said those words very casually, his voice deep and articulate, and he was playing the part of the innocent very well. But so well that she knew he had noticed an interest on her part. It was as if a cold wind had blown through Rey's bones. Benjamin Solo's proximity was not the easiest part either. She tried not to freeze into place, and she just smiled slightly. Just enough for her dimples to show, tilting her head slightly to the side. 

\- You were making so much noise, I am surprised everybody did not hear you, your Grace. I was wondering if we were under attack, or if there was a monster roaming around the forest at night.

\- I hope you were not disappointed, given your tastes in books I may not look the part of the monster.

He made a gesture with his hand towards the book she was holding, a new one she had got in London called Frankenstein. She was surprised he even knew what the book was about, for she would never have believed him to be fond of literature. But then, she remembered his taste for Greek mythology, and she wondered what other interests he was probably hiding from her, given the ridiculously small amount of words they had exchanged. Thoughtful, she answered :

\- I do not believe being deformed or ugly is what makes a monster. 

As soon as the words had left her mouth, she had felt the insinuations they carried. She knew he felt it too. But Benjamin Solo still had his eyes fixated on hers, almost defying her to continue. If she had trusted her instincts, it would probably have worked, but she fought herself knowing there was too much she still did not know. 

\- You always speak your mind so openly, and your reasoning seem very Manichean. As if you only see saints or demons, and no in between. If I recall your words correctly about what you thought of me the last time we met, am I to understand that you still think I am a monster?

Rey remembered what she had thought about some days ago, that she would be trying to form her own idea about him. She honestly still wondered if Benjamin Solo could change her mind at all, but he was acting very differently from what she had expected. She tried to balance her answer.

\- I still stand by my words about your past actions, but I realize we scarcely know each other. I shall need more time to form an opinion, your Grace.

“A part of me always wants to believe a monster can be saved” was what she had thought for a second.

\- I suppose we will have to wait and see then. We will probably meet again during your stay, it is unless you keep hiding into the woods, of course.

To her surprise, Rey could almost hear the humour in his tone. He had a strange way of smiling with his eyes, something she could notice being this close to him, but his mouth was barely moving. He looked so... human. It was hard to remember the other parts of him, the darker parts, when the sun hit his face in this particular way, and she unconsciously answered with a smile herself. She would have answered him was it not for the knot that had formed in her throat, and he had already briefly turned to take a look at his horse, and when he looked back at her the softness in his eyes had disappeared. 

\- I am afraid I have to take my leave now. I would have offered to accompany you back to the castle, but I am meeting with an acquaintance at the Netal estate later today and I believe I am already late. 

A memory of Miss Netal appeared in Rey's mind, with her pretty face and elegant french clothes she had noticed when they had seen each other in London. She also remembered the disdain distorting her otherwise beautiful features. But she managed to appear absolutely unbothered when she answered the Duke and asked him to send her regards to his friends, before saying her goodbyes. When he left, she waited for him and his black horse to be out of sight before looking at the sun. Rey noticed that noon had passed hours ago already, and she was probably better heading home right now.  
While walking by herself, pondering over the short conversation they had earlier, it did not appear any easier for her to form an opinion. And frankly, it was tiring trying to understand the man's motives. But in some way his seducing veil of control and coldness was starting to lift up, Rey could feel it. 

Later in the evening, after dinner, Rey had retired to her bedroom. It was already well into the night, but she could not find sleep and she had decided to write a letter to her friend Rose to keep her own mind busy. She had felt as if her brain cells were boiling for the entire afternoon, even until now, as if the entirety of her body was tense. There had been underlying unrest in all of her movements since she had come back from the lake.  
In her letter, she described the castle of course, and its many rooms and corridors. There was also a whole paragraph about the paintings she had seen and the beauty of the statues scattered all around the property. A very short part was dedicated to the front gardens, as if to get it over with quickly, to ask more details about the wedding preparations.  
She was almost finished when she heard a familiar thumping noise coming from the road leading to the estate. She considered the possibility of going to her window to see by herself but deemed it futile. A few minutes later, after hearing the servants talking at the front entrance, her intuition was confirmed that the Duke was back from his visit to his acquaintance. She unconsciously noticed how odd the time was for him to come back, as it was already very late, but pushed it aside in a corner of her mind. She knew it was not her place to wonder over her host's behaviour, so Rey finished her letter and later went to sleep. 

The beginning of the day resembled the previous one closely until Rey came back from her walk early on the afternoon. Benjamin Solo had not made an appearance this time. Her host, obviously not bothered by good manners, had not joined her at breakfast either. She was decided to spend some time in her room to until dinner, but one of the servants had come to her and said the Duke asked to see her in the music room if she was not too busy.  
Quite surprised, she had agreed. Upon arriving, the room was empty and she walked across the vast chamber, doubling as a small ballroom, and admired the piano occupying the centre of the space. The walls were carefully painted and even the ceiling was art in itself, but the white piano was obviously the centre of attention. It was a beautiful instrument of superior construction, even a neophyte like her could tell. But she had never learned to play or sing, contrary to her peers, and she considered herself to clumsy and not patient enough for music. The tips of her fingers lightly caressed the keys and she absentmindedly pressed some of them, enjoying the clear and precise notes they produced.

\- Do you play the piano, Miss Kenobi?

Startled, Rey turned towards the door from which the voice had emerged. The Duke was standing in the doorway, not wearing his usual coat this time, but a white shirt and a black vest. His hands were behind his back and he was looking at her, his face as impassive as marble.

\- I, unfortunately, do not have any knowledge about music, your Grace. 

His eyebrows raised slightly, and he entered the room and headed towards the instrument, making his way around the piano to approach her.

\- What a shame. Most ladies are trained in the arts of music since childhood, but I have heard so much about you I can only guess you have many other... talents.

The last word had been almost whispered. He had walked slowly, but before she had realized it he was close to her. Much closer than he had ever been. His hands were once again on his back and he was looking down at her with apparent interest. Whether it was honest or not, she could not tell, but something in her throat was tightening again.

\- May I ask what your Grace has heard about me?

A smile took place upon his lips, reaching his eyes for the first time. 

\- I have heard many stories, most of them blatantly false of course. Even I could tell. But accounts of your excellent wielding of a rapier have also reached me. 

Benjamin's eyes went down to her hand, still resting on the piano keys. She inhaled deeply while he was not looking at her face. When their eyes met again, he moved his arms and extended his right hand to her.

\- May I, please?

Rey could feel some of her muscles suddenly tighten, in her belly, her thighs, but most of all her chest. Not really knowing what he wanted to do, she still had an instinct to put her hand on his. Her almost trembling skin was met with surprising warmth. Lightly, he laid his thumb on the tip of her fingers and Benjamin's gaze focused on her hand and the warmth diffused to her cheeks. His hand felt bigger than the first time she had held them while they danced, and she suddenly wondered how she had managed to not notice it. His voice was deep and focused when he talked.

\- I can feel how much you trained, and I can see the scars, you must be really good at it.

When he let go of her hand, she felt the knots in her belly loosen. Lifting her chin a little bit, she stared at him.

\- At least I am much better at combat than I am at dancing, your Grace.

\- I know your dancing and I can only hope you are exaggerating.

It took her some time to process the compliment before a small smile showed on her face. He had obviously noticed it because he smiled back for a second. However, he quickly placed his hands behind his back once again and straightened his back, making himself even taller than he was before. 

\- I asked to see you because I have some guests for dinner tonight. I was hoping you would agree to join us.

Images of his “friends” emerged into Rey's mind and she quickly pictured a whole evening trying to tolerate Lord Hux or Miss Netal. But she was a guest, and it would have felt especially rude for her not to be present.

\- If your Grace wants me to be there, I will.

He seemed almost surprised that she yielded so easily. Probably not wanting her to change her mind, he quickly bowing his shoulders, thanked her and started to head towards the door to leave. At the last moment, however, he stopped and turned to her with an odd look on his face, as if he was going to say something, but changed his mind at the last minute and exited the room. She just stood there until she did not hear his footsteps in the corridor anymore, wondering what had just happened. Had it not ended on this very strange invitation, she would have said it was an almost agreeable conversation. This and the strange knots in her belly. And the warmth of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have estimated the length of this fic, it will probably be around twenty chapters for my whole plot to be completed.  
> Hope I still have some readers left at the end ahah !


	9. Chapter 9

 

  
Rey had expected, or at least hoped, for the rest of the afternoon to last as long as possible. But as dinner time approached she heard the sound of carriages entering the domain. From her bedroom, with a quick glance at the window, she saw three. All of them were black and very ornamented, as if to the wealth and power of their owners as obvious as possible. It was a little bit too much for Rey's tastes, but she could see how it was fitting for what she knew about them. Still, she would have expected more guests.  
She had put on a very simple dark blue dress and felt like it was enough effort for the day, still not knowing why she had said yes nor why she had been invited at all. It had been way too easy for Benjamin Solo to convince her, that much she knew, but did not want to admit. Maybe there was hope for him to act like a decent human being despite what she expected. For his friends, however, there was not much hope. Oh, how she hoped she had said no.  
A couple of minutes later, Rey headed downstairs as quickly as her lack of enthusiasm permitted her. When she reached the end of the stairs, she heard the familiar voice of Lord Hux coming from the house's largest drawing room. What he talked about, she could not understand,and was not interested in it either, and the sound alone was almost giving her a headache. A servant greeted her on his way to the kitchen and she thought about the possibility of asking him to excuse herself and say she was feeling ill. But she did not,and entered the room as the door was left open.  
At first, as most of them were sitting with their back to the door, they did not see her. There wwerethree people in the room with the Duke, two ladies and Lord Hux. Rey could recognize him from his red hair and of course, his voice. Benjamin Solo, however, was standing in front of them and noticed her entrance. His face stayed as unreadable as always, but with a small gesture of his hand he stopped Lord Hux in his words and bowed his head slightly in her direction. She did the same, as the guests were rising from their sits. Lord Hux's visible hesitation to stand up was very noticeable. Rey approached the centre of the room and placed herself at the Duke's side, waiting to be introduced. She had recognized Miss Netal as one of the ladies, and the other one was a tall and blonde woman she had noticed with their host at Rose's engagement party. The Duke started speaking in a monotone voice as if to get the introductions over with as quickly as possible.

\- Miss Kenobi, may I introduce you to Lady Phasma and Miss Netal? Of course, you already know Lord Hux.

The four of them exchanged the usual bows and curtseys, with the lack of enthusiasm that Rey had expected. The Duke then invited her to take a sit on a nearby chair with a small move of his head, and lightly placing his hand on her back, so quickly it had almost been unnoticeable. It had been fast, and probably just an unconscious move, Rey thought. But when everyone was sitting again, and Lord Hux had started talking, Rey's eyes met with Miss Netal's face and she knew it had definitely been noticeable. Not a word was uttered, but Bazine's gaze was going up and down her blue dress like it was the cheapest piece of fabric she had ever witnessed, a contemptuous smile on her lips. Afterwards, she turned back to look at the Duke and her uptight expression had changed back to her soft and beautiful face.  
Lord Hux was deep in a conversation with their host and had apparently decided to act as if she did not exist, as he spoke of a certain conversation he had with a mutual acquaintance. She tried to listen, but all he did was saying they should act right now about a certain project but the Duke was mostly looking annoyed at his words. Rey was almost bored enough to ask a little bit more about the conversation even if it was probably not the most well-mannered thing to do. But suddenly, Miss Netal and Lady Phasma decided to take a walk across the room to speak together and excused themselves. Lord Hux tried to continue his monologue, but after just a look at the other man's face, decided to turn to Rey instead as he probably had a better chance of getting an answer out of her.

\- I must say, I am surprised to meet you here Miss Kenobi. You seem to have changed a lot since we last saw each other.

The surprising forced politeness in his words was shocking by itself, and she answered with the most gracious smile she could master.

\- I am afraid I have become wilder and less graceful since last time, sir.

It took him a second to process her sentence and she could see in his eyes the exact moment when he understood he would not be able to dance around his past misconduct. In reality, there was nothing Rey found interesting or worth a second chance about Lord Hux, it was almost as if they were evolving in a totally different world. With a quick glance to her right, she noticed the Duke leaning against the back of his chair and looking at her with an unusual look on his face as if he was waiting for the next move of a fascinating chess game. It lasted for a second before he spoke, as Lord Hux was obviously in an urgent need of help.

\- I think what Lord Hux wanted to say is that you wear less white, and fewer flowers in your hair. One could wonder why.

His hand went to his face, his eyes still fixated on her, and his index finger landed on his cheek as he looked almost lost in his thoughts. With a quick glance, Rey's eyes followed his finger's moves and noticed once again the multitude of spots constellating his skin. What a pity that he did not look the part of the monster, really.  
One of the servants entered the drawing room to announce that the dinner table was ready for them. The three of them who were still sitting rose quietly from their sits, and they were joined by the two other ladies. Upon exiting the room, Miss Netal approached the Duke and he gave her his arm, as they were both of the highest rank and were supposed to enter the dining room together. Lord Hux then offered his arm to Lady Phasma, still according to rank, and Rey entered the room last by herself.  
Dinner went smoothly for the most part, as Rey was sitting next to Lord Hux, who was seated on the Duke's left. Most of the evening was spent speaking of social events and political discussions between the Duke and his guests, and it soon became clear that it was the only purpose of their presence. They spoke of Lord Snoke and his “high hopes” for Benjamin Solo, as Rey could have expected, and Lord Hux insisted on the apparent inefficiency of the current government. Lady Phasma was most knowledgeable about the political parts and spoke her mind often.  
To Rey however not much was said, as they obviously had nothing in common, and she entertained herself by looking at Miss Netal's many attempts at implying how great minds thought alike every time she and Benjamin Solo agreed. Sitting on his right, as the guest of honour, Bazine was clearly on a mission, and spoke many times of the importance of Nobility. She was mostly talking about her own ties with the French royalty, Rey thought, and how fitting it would be to unite two royal families with a wedding. The Duke mostly agreed with her words, while Lord Hux encouraged it wholeheartedly. That, and the fact that Benjamin Solo was a very handsome man, probably meant that he was her best opportunity to fulfil her ambitions. Rey could understand Miss Netal's wishes to find a high born suitor, as it was her best chance to gain her independence and was probably pressured by her own family to get married as soon as possible. But she could not understand the appeal of such a marriage, only made of quiet acceptance and hopes of power.  
When dessert was served, Miss Netal decided to turn to Rey and took her most sickly sweet voice to ask her:

\- Speaking of good matches, I have heard some talks about you Miss Kenobi and a possible engagement. I have heard that you have been seen a lot with Mr Dameron during your stay in London?

It felt like the most ridiculous joke Rey had ever heard, but Bazine's angelic face and innocent blue eyes were fixated on her, as were everyone else's, and all other conversations had stopped on the very instant she had opened her mouth. Rey put down her glass before answering with the widest smile she could master.

\- I did meet with him twice when I was in London but Mr Dameron and I are only very good friends.

\- Do not be so pessimistic, I am sure there is still time for him to ask for your hand once he realizes your... many talents, if you work for it a little bit more.

Miss Netal's voice had been all kinds of compassionate, and it was almost scary how good she was at it. Rey searched for an appropriate answer for a long time but did not manage to find any that was not impolite. The whole thing was ridiculous by itself, and Rey did not feel like she needed to deny it any more. When the surrounding silence became concerning, Lord Hux quickly started talking to the Duke and Lady Phasma again as if to divert their attention from the matter. Still, she could see Benjamin Solo's hand playing with his glass on the corner of her vision, as he did for the rest of the meal.

The guests left not long after dinner, as it was late already and all of what they had to say had been said, and Rey did not care to express any disappointment about it. Neither did the Duke, and they left servants to accompany his guests back to their carriages after some more formal goodbyes. Soon enough, they were the only ones left in the drawing room.  
Benjamin Solo was standing near the window, looking at his friends leaving the property, and Rey was sitting on a chair in the centre of the room. The lack of discussion lasted for some whole minutes before she decided it was probably time for her to leave and go to her room. But when she rose from her sit, without turning to face her, Benjamin's deep voice broke the quietness and she froze at her place.

\- Are you leaving already, Rey?

\- It is late, I should probably go to my room and get some rest. Your mother is arriving tomorrow, I believe.

His face turned slightly and she could see his profile as he was apparently looking at his hand still holding his empty glass. The whole evening had been very uncomfortable and it was still unclear to her why he had wanted her to attend this dinner. She was still thinking about this when she realized he had called her by her first name for the first time, and suddenly her cheeks felt slightly warmer.

\- Yes, she is. Which means I will be leaving before she even gets here, and I thought I had more time.

Rey did not know if she was supposed to ask, but she was getting frustrated. Because it was late and she wanted to get some sleep, and because he was not making much sense and she was tired of asking herself what he meant.

\- More time, your Grace?

An almost imperceptible smile took his lips for a second and he turned to put his glass on the table near Rey. He then stood in front of her, but not as close as he had been earlier in the music room. She lifted her chin to observe him, almost wondering if he was slightly intoxicated, but he seemed as sober as ever and held her gaze with a disconcerting intensity.

\- I wish I could tell you to call me Benjamin, but I suppose it would be cruel.

She pinched her lips slightly at this thought as if the suggestion by itself was already indecent. Not only because of her grandfather, but also because it would mean that she had changed her mind about him, and she did not feel like she had enough pieces of information yet, no matter how eager he was, and the warmth in her cheeks and her frustration turned to anger.

\- Yes, it would be, your Grace.

Rey had insisted on that last part, with too much vehemence for him not to notice. He did not insist on this point, but her reaction did not trouble him and he tried something else.

\- You could leave with me tomorrow and come to London.

The eventuality of leaving with him did cross her mind for a split second, but it was mostly dismissed by her common sense and her incomprehension was visible on her face. But he continued anyway as if he was taken by his own momentum.

\- I can introduce you to the most influent people in this country and help you to become anything you want if you join me, I can teach you...

Rey cut him off and raised her voice above his, causing him to stop talking instantly.

\- I have met your peers, and neither them nor you can teach me anything, I will become whoever I want to be without your help.

On these words, she passed by him to get to the door and exit the drawing room, not looking back once. On her way back to her chamber, she wondered if the whole evening had been some kind of display of his connections as if to make her want to be a part of something greater. Did he want her to join his political side so that her name would gain him supports? What was he expecting? His “friends” had been rude to her, their behaviour with him only showed their eagerness to please him, as if they were trying to use him as a terribly sensitive loaded weapon. It was a world she never wanted to enter, and deep down she felt sorry for him for being a part of it. The Duke could not help her, but she firmly believed that Benjamin Solo was in dire need of some help himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been working on this chapter for way too long and I cannot get to a result I like, so here it is. What we learned is :   
> \- Dark Side nobles are awful but I kinda like Bazine so I try to not be too unfair and not only treat her as an enemy but also understand her character a little bit to make her more interesting... does it make sense? Unfortunately, I feel like it would have been such a terrible situation at this time.  
> \- Rey doesn't need a teacher (wink wink)  
> \- I'm trying to always be logical and refer to real etiquette from the time but I only found books about the 19th-century etiquette in my country so it is not that good. If you have good books recommendations about Regency etiquette I would be glad to purchase them!  
> \- I do not want this story to go too fast, if I feel like it needs more chapters than what I have planned I will write them (some of them are already partly written but I need to correct them and work a little bit more) I am very sorry about the slow updates I am working two different jobs at the moments and running between other job interviews in my free time, I will try to keep them coming as soon as I can.
> 
> Thank you very much if you are still reading, if you feel like there is anything I can improve or correct, if you feel like it is less or more interesting, what I could do better or if you saw some improvement... send me a comment on here of a message on http://avaiel.tumblr.com/ !


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

  
The Duchess Solo arrived early and Rey was getting ready for the day when she heard the lady's voice from downstairs. She rushed her movements a little bit and went down as soon as she could to meet with her host. The trip from London did not seem to have tired her at all and she smiled widely when she saw Rey and greeted her warmly, inquiring about her opinion of the house and the gardens, and she was even accompanied by another guest. Mr Dameron entered the house a few minutes later because he had been helping with the luggage. He bowed to Rey and waited politely for the Duchess to come to the end of her flow of questions before greeting her. Then, he explained that they had travelled together from the city. He also complimented her on her complexion, noting how the sun had given her some lovely freckles. After thanking him Rey asked to what she owed the pleasure to see him at the Solo estate.

\- I am only a temporary guest and I will be leaving you tomorrow, I have a friend to meet in Brighton and you just happened to be a lovely interlude in the middle of my journey, my dear Rey.

She also quickly noticed that the Duke had left, if only because the servants were not running everywhere anymore, probably very early in the morning. The noise had not awakened her, to her own surprise, and a small part of her wondered where he went. He had talked about London, but maybe he had stopped at one of his friend's estate on his way home. The Netal family for example. At this thought, the spark of a fire seemed to have awakened in her chest, and when she finally sat in the drawing room with Mr Dameron a little bit later to wait for the Duchess, the burning question escaped her lips.

\- I wonder, have you crossed paths with Benjamin Solo on the road this morning?

Rey had tried her best to sound as unconcerned as she could, but the look in her friend's eyes and the way he carefully laid his back against his chair was unmistakable. Yet, she did not look down.

\- We saw a lot of carriages, my dear. Are you afraid that he has been attacked? Because I am sure a man of his size would discourage any thief.

They both smiled at the idea of anyone trying to assault Benjamin Solo, who probably was the kingdom's tallest and most bad-tempered nobleman. Now that is a story she would pay to read, Rey thought.

\- I was trying to estimate the time of his departure, but it is not of great importance.

\- Did he not tell you his goodbyes when he left the house?

No, he did not. She joined her hands on her knees and took a quick look at the window before answering Mr Dameron.

\- Why would he? I am relieved we avoided another conversation, really.

\- I take it you two did not become the best of friends while he was here?

When she looked back at him, he was staring at her face and suddenly she felt like he was seeing right through what she was saying to him. Lying had never been a skill she had wanted to master until now, as much as she hated being lied to, but maybe it could have helped. But Mr Dameron's patient face was almost begging her to lie once again to see if he was stupid enough to believe. She shrugged slightly and looked at her feet, wondering why she even tried.

\- We did not talk very much, he probably was not very happy to see me here when he arrived. It did not end that well.

As Poe was about to answer, the Duchess entered the room and he decided to change the subject, probably because talking about her son was always a sensitive matter. They spoke of everything they could think of to the Duchess, and soon enough Rey's mind went somewhere else. She even asked a little bit more about some of the art pieces around the castle and was astonished at some of the details she learned, and she was even allowed to take a look at a portrait of Queen Amidala in the private chambers of the Duchess.  
When Rey first looked at the painting, she was astonished by the woman's beauty and grace. It had been painted by a master while she was still alive, not long before her children were born. There was a deep wisdom captured in her features, but also strength and power in her eyes. Rey could understand why she had commanded attention in her time, not only because of her good looks even if she probably was one of the most beautiful women alive. Padme Amidala had been born and bred to be a Queen. Rey wished she had known her, but then remembered that Lady Solo herself did not know her own mother.  
Of her secret marriage with the knight Anakin Skywalker not much was known, only that it was the first step of her downfall. Had he been planning to take the crown from her all along? Or was it all a tragically misunderstood love story and unhappy series of events? Could she have been saved? Could they have been saved?  
Rey dared not ask the Duchess about this subject, those stories were of another time and could only bring painful memories today. But yet, the Queen's face stayed on her mind for the rest of the day. There was something in her eyes that she knew, the same look she had seen often in Leia Solo. And once or twice, in Benjamin Solo. Thoughts of this nature invaded her head as if she was doomed to only think about the Duke for now. Later during the evening, after the Duchess had left and Rey was about to say goodnight to Mr Dameron herself, he asked her to sit with him near the fireplace for a moment. The day had been colder than the previous ones, and so the servants had lit a fire, and it felt like winter was back.

\- Tell me, Rey, did Benjamin Solo tell you that he was not happy to see you here when he arrived?

She took a second to try and remember his exact words when they had met near the lake, but there was not much left in her head. Or rather she had vivid memories of the warmth and the reflections of the sun on the water, of the Duke's slow pace when he had approached her and the tightness of her throat.

\- I believe he said he was surprised.

Mr Dameron kept his eyes on the flames as if he was lost in his thoughts. Rey wondered why he cared at all about what Benjamin Solo had said.

\- Well if you have believed him he must be a way better liar than you because he knew very well that you were at the estate.

Rey's thoughts abruptly stopped, as if she was trying to read a blank page, and she stopped moving. It did not make any sense. Mr Dameron continued to explain :

\- His mother told me that she sent him a letter to inform him of your stay, he received it on the day of your arrival. A safe source told her that three hours later he had left London to come here.

\- But why?

Mr Dameron finally looked at her and she could see on his face that her disbelief was painfully visible. His usually charming smile was replaced by a concerned expression.

\- I can think of a few reasons why he would want an opportunity to get closer to you. I am not telling you this to make you sad or because I want you to stay away from him, you should do as you please. But I know you hated him once, and I feel like it is not true anymore.

Her eyes went to her hands, as she remembered the feeling of his thumb against her skin. This feeling that went all over her body, from her cheeks to her thighs, as he lifted her fingers to his face. She did not deny her friend's words, as it was the most honest answer she could offer at the moment.

\- I only want you to make your decisions with all of the information you need. And if you never meet him again and loathe him until death does you part, I can not say I will have a problem with that. But if not...

He did not finish his sentence, but she understood. Because deep down she knew she could not run from him forever. And because she needed to know why the Duke's friends all treated him like a dangerous wild beast, why no one knew how his father died, why he lied to her, why she felt the urge to save him from himself when he was slowly digging his own grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a long time, but my creativity is back, thank you so much for your patience.  
> Next chapter will include a very interesting letter...


	11. Chapter 11

__

 

_Her bare feet crushed frozen dead leaves as she walked, the cold piercing through her skin like daggers. On the distance, she could see the castle, almost invisible in the morning fog. The sun had just appeared and laid his shy warmth on the gardens, timid rays caressing the rose buds but not enough to make Rey's skin less blue. From where she was, near the lake, she could see a cloud of steam emerging from the waters and she tightened her grip on the handle of the sword she was holding on her side. The white cotton fabric of her dress was no shield against the cold, but she was barely beginning her awakening. She circled around the water, each of her expirations turning to vapour as it left her lips, she was getting warmer by the second._   
_And then, the sound. It came from the trees and all of the birds flew away, it came from the lake and the smooth mirror turned to chaos, it came from the earth and she almost fell to the ground. It came from her chest and her blood turned to boiling water, and she did not feel the coldness of her skin anymore. The loud, overwhelming sound of the earthquake, of the tremor raging everywhere._

The knocking on her door became insistent, and she opened her eyes slowly. It was already late in the morning. Quickly, she realized she had been dreaming, and speedily grabbed a robe to wrap herself in before rising from her bed and heading towards the door of her room. Her eyelids were still heavy and her mind was an uncomfortable blur.  
On the other side of the door, a servant apologized for having awakened her and said he received an important missive for Rey and had to deliver it to her only, and gave her the letter. He was quite young, and he looked genuinely sorry for bothering her, so she smiled and assured him that he had been very efficient. She had kept her frustrations and anger hidden for the last few days anyway.   
Afterwards, she laid the letter on the chest of drawers of her bedroom and went to wash her face with some cold water to wake herself up. A quick glance at herself in the mirror proved her how terrible her night had been, and she was still surprised by the vividness of her dream. But it was a beautiful spring day outside, and the sun was high in the sky, nothing like a white winter morning. Luckily, her host was not here today and she could take some time to get ready.  
The Duchess had arrived a week ago and Mr Dameron had left the following day, with a lot of promises to see each other again as soon as possible. It would probably be in three weeks, for Rose and Finn's wedding.

Rey had spent a great deal of her time with the Duchess and had loved every second of it. The woman had taught her a great deal about her own grandfather at a time when she was not even born. They did not speak of Rey's parents, because it was not something very easy to discuss. Her mother Satine, Benjamin Kenobi's daughter who had been named after his late wife, had died when she was a young child and her father was an unknown soldier she had never known. But she loved to hear about her grandfather and his adventures during the war, and she never grew tired of the way Leia Solo talked about the great General Kenobi with great admiration. She could understand why she had named her own son like him, but it only made the pain of his betrayals greater when the Duchess had told her about his political party :  
“ The legitimacy of the Chancellor Mon Mothma has been disputed a lot during the years. I supported her, I wanted her to be our new leader after Chancellor Palpatine. But others, like Lord Snoke and his political party, have used every argument they could find to discredit her. And when my son became a man and the Chancellor grew older, they saw it as an opportunity. I tried to isolate him from their influences, I realize now how wrong I was. When he escaped my brother's watch and joined them, they were a new royalist party and wanted the blood of Padme Amidala back on the throne, and he was seduced by that promise. But what they want is a puppet, and I do not believe him to be able to obey their orders much longer. I can barely see him once or twice a year now. ”  
Some more questions had followed, and soon enough it was getting too much for Lady Solo and she had changed the subject. But Rey still remembered the exhausted tone of her voice when the Duchess had spoken about him as if the last 28 years of her son's life were weighing on her shoulders as her ultimate unfinished work. If there was any hope left in her heart it was well hidden.

While she brushed her hair, Rey remembered the letter and decided to put down her hairbrush to read it. It was probably from one of her friends, as she had kept a regular correspondence with Paige and Rose. But when she took it on the chest of drawers, the envelope only had her name on it, and she did not recognize the handwriting. Maybe it was her formal invitation to the wedding, she thought, but it did not put her mind at ease. After having carefully scrutinized the piece of paper, she opened the envelope carefully. A couple of sheets of paper were inside, the writing on them was still unknown but it seemed neat and elegant.

“ _London, 2nd of April_

_I am aware that this letter may be utterly unexpected on your part, and so I hope you will forgive me for my boldness upon writing the following words._  
 _The last time we spoke you made yourself very clear on your lack of interest about my offer to take you with me to London, and I realize now that it was very indecorous of me to expect you to trust me enough to even consider my proposition. This is why I regret not taking the short amount of time we had together to change your mind. I do not know if it is in my power to make you understand, but at least I shall dedicate myself to not let others tell a story that is not mine._  
 _First of all, madam, I must admit I lied to you. I have led you to believe I did not know who you were when we first met, and I may have fooled even my closest acquaintances when I asked them about you. The truth is that I recognized you the first time I laid eyes on you, and I knew I needed to learn more about you. But I should not have allowed my acquaintances to offend you, of that I am guilty and I deserve your hostility._  
 _I believe I offended you again when we shared a dance the next time we saw each other, but my words bore only my hope of finding common ground._  
 _So when I heard about your arrival at my family's estate last month, I seized the opportunity, unbeknownst to my entourage. I must confess that I lied to you once again, for I knew very well where to find you and was not at all surprised when I met you at the lake._  
 _Of the few_ moments _we shared I will not say a word, except that I now have the certainty that I can offer you greater clarity on my motives. I have the strongest belief and desire that in spite of the names we bear, we could find a way to understand each other. I will not ask for your forgiveness, for I do not want it. I am asking for an opportunity to meet with you once again, of your own free will. If you agree to my request, I shall endeavour to be as honest as an open book during our encounter if there is any question you may want to ask me._  
 _I will wait patiently for your answer if it ever comes._

_BEN SOLO_ ”

Rey put the letter on her dressing table and stared at it intently for a few minutes. Her heartbeat was a war drum in her chest as if she had just climbed a hill. Inhaling deeply, she read the letter once again. Her eyes lingered on his name at the bottom of the page, as she noticed he did not use his full first name. It was probably because she had said she would not call him Benjamin, but she had never heard anyone refer to him as Ben. It echoed of a younger, untainted man, one she had not met yet. A man so alone no one had spoken his name in a long time. In fact, she could not envision anyone daring to call him Ben today, which did not mean that she would not do it herself.   
The admission of his lies did not atone for his offences, but it gave her the upper hand if she agreed to meet him. He had recognized the flaws in his ways and it meant that there was a line of breakage in his perfect mask. A fissure meant an opening, and perhaps it meant hope.

Her hands were trembling when she rose from her seat and took a look outside her window at the lake in the gardens, remembering the way it shone a few days ago during a warm afternoon, and she considered answering his letter. She could imagine him waiting for a letter from her, and she could almost feel it through his words, but he had to wait, doubt and think she had given up. The line had to get fragile and deep and he had to become the one who would rip the mask open. Rose's wedding was in three weeks, and a noble like him would obviously be invited. Ben Solo would know where to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering if you guys would prefer longer chapters (around 3/5k words) and perhaps fewer updates or if I stay at this length but update more often?   
> I ask because the next chapter is going to be very long and I can post it in multiple short parts or one big update. Let me know!
> 
> As always if you have any questions, advice or if you want to help me correct a mistake let me know on Tumblr ( http://avaiel.tumblr.com/ ) because I tend to miss some comments on here...   
> See ya at the wedding


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for longer chapters, here comes almost 5k words.

 

 

Of the vivid colour of the sky behind the Solo castle on the morning she left, Rey would keep a lasting memory. There was a soft blue hue all over the landscape when she said goodbye to the servants. The Duchess entered the fiacre before her and Rey took a second to take a last look at everything her eyes could see. While their carriage departed the domain her eyes were drawn one last time to the gardens in all their glory, the morning dew like a scintillating shawl on the blooming roses and she knew their scent was more captivating than ever in those early hours of dawn. What a beauty this place, and how perfectly nature had blessed it, she thought.

Soon enough, they were too far and nothing was familiar sight anymore and she closed the small window and sat back at her place as comfortably as she could. The Duchess had fallen asleep in front of her, and Rey smiled to herself when she noticed. It was a warm morning for the month but still, she tightened her coat around herself as she felt a tinge of melancholy enter her mind. Of course, she yearned to retrieve the quiet and the peace of Lord Skywalker's home after the wedding, but it would be a strange feeling to be almost all alone once again.

They were heading for the Tico estate near her guardian's house and it felt as if she had completed a full circle. Rey had expected nothing good from leaving the house where she grew up, but she had met a handful of people she deeply cared for and admired. Meeting Paige and Rose had been the closest thing to having sisters she would ever experience and Rey longed to be in their company once again and to get to know the groom. Rose's excitement and her sister's serenity were a precious balance anyone could learn a thing or two from. Her privileged time with Lady Solo had offered her more knowledge on the history and her own grandfather than she ever wished for and she was still in utter disbelief of having been lucky enough to meet the Duchess and her brother. And of course, Mr Dameron had been a valuable friend although she suspected him of knowing more than he should about prudence and privacy.

A soothing feeling of safety went through her mind when she thought of them, and it felt like an accomplishment to care for someone else than oneself and to feel important to another soul. It was the greatest part of her full circle.

All of them she loved dearly and that was comforting, for there had been pain too. However despite her deep affection for her friends, she had kept secrets and to this day she still felt a hint of confusion about what she could have said, what she was supposed to say, for there was no word she could think of to explain some of the feelings she had experienced. But yet, something had to be said because her mind was full of unusual thoughts lately and she barely recognized herself sometimes.

 

How to describe the ever-growing frustration in her chest when she could not focus on reading a book she loved for her mind could not find rest? What words could portray truthfully the suspension of time itself when hours seemed to last for days and days for weeks? And the insupportable questions she asked herself all day long; where, with whom, why? How to express the unbearable way in which her fingers itched to answer his letter, to reassure him?

Something had changed and somehow it was harder every day to keep herself under control. But she had not answered, not a word, not a sound. There had been no other letters, as she had suspected given her lack of answer, but still, deep down she was disappointed. Perhaps he would not be at the wedding, she had thought multiple times, and in a way, it would be easier if he did not come. There would be no more explanations, no more confession, no more secrecy. Nothing but an excruciating silence that would probably last forever.

 

After an hour of being gently shaken by the carriage, Rey had fallen asleep too. The journey went smoothly to their destination, and they both woke up a little bit before they arrived at the Tico's home in the early hours of the afternoon. Both of the sisters were waiting in front of the large country house and Rey could see them from far away through the window of the fiacre, her anticipation causing knots in her belly. Had she been able to in such a small space, and if Lady Solo had not been in front of her, she probably would have jumped from her seat. When she was near enough, she stormed outside of the carriage before it was completely stopped to hug both of them in her arms. They held each other tightly for longer than appropriate before Rose and Paige drowned her in questions about her journey and the Solo house, and Rey asked about the wedding preparations and what they had been doing during the time they had been apart.

Smiles had filled the assembly when the sisters finally greeted Lady Solo and invited her to come inside. Sadly, the Duchess had to decline as she wanted to arrive early at her brother's house, where she was staying for a few days and where Rey would join her tomorrow night. She thanked the sisters and told her goodbyes, taking some more time with Rey than with the others while the latter expressed her gratefulness for the time she had spent at her estate. “It is nothing, my dear. I hope you will come back one day, you ought to see the gardens during summer” the Duchess had answered.

 

Rey had carried her small luggage to her bedroom herself, for she did not bring much apart from her dress for the following day. Then, after a quick lunch, a delivery from Mrs Holdo had arrived with a multitude of white camellias to put all over the house and she had helped Paige to decorate the ballroom, the garden, and every other room where the family wanted flowers arrangement in. The bride's parents were running everywhere and did not pay much attention to the girls, so Rey's mind was very busy for the rest of the day, going from dress alterations to helping in the kitchen. This shadow she knew all too well was still here, the thoughts and the questions, but it was easier in a way if she kept herself distracted.

The preparations were tiring, and there were moments when Rey hated that she had to wear a dress when she had to be efficient, but the way Rose looked at their work with a smile on her face was the best reward she could hope for. The day passed quickly but at the end of the evening, she finally had time to sit down for a few minutes with Paige in the drawing room, as her sister had already gone to bed. Her host seemed exhausted, but her happiness was still showing despite the tiredness in her eyes when she looked at Rey, her voice low as if to counterbalance the madness of the day.

 

\- I am so happy you are finally here Rey, I wish you could stay longer. I am going to feel a bit lonely in this house after she leaves...

 

In her friend's eyes, Rey could see something she knew very well, and she hated it. She had heard the weakness in Paige's throat at the end, and how it was hurting her to say it as if speaking the words only made it more real, how much she would miss her sister. How hard it is to let go of someone you had been your best friend for your whole life, how do you get used to the feeling? A tingling sensation ascended to Rey's eyes as she felt overwhelmed by a wave of sorrow, and she rose from her seat to wrap her arms around her friend, holding her tightly while the other silently burst into tears against her shoulder. “She will come back, you will visit her” was all she could think of and it is what she whispered, and with the sadness she felt came the shame that she had no solution to offer. Sometimes she wished she had a solution for her own loneliness so that she could share it, but she felt like being with Paige was the best she could do.

 

Later during the night after she had consoled Paige as well as she could, while she was laying in her bed asleep, a dream she knew well came back into Rey's mind. It was the lake, once again, and the earthquake. And she still stood still, helpless and immobile, as the world seemed to come to an end. It was so close this time, much closer than it had ever been before, but still, she stood quiet as a statue, waiting for the threat to show itself until she woke up.

 

Before dawn even came, Paige had entered into her room to ask for her help. They had to get ready early, for the church ceremony was taking place before lunch and as bridesmaids, Paige and Rey were glad to honour their duty by helping Rose to get ready. The bride's hair was taken care of by the older sister, while Rey mostly acted as conversational support to entertain her. The wedding dress was made of beautiful cream coloured fabric and a cap with flowers crowned Rose's face, but her most charming asset was the lovely shade of pink adorning her cheeks when she finally put it on, an eloquent reminder of her anticipation to marry her lover. With a hint of nostalgia, Rey decided to find some flowers in the garden for her hair and decided on early blooming daisies that she patiently braided around her face and Rose said it reminded her of the first time they had met. Rey had someone else in mind who would probably think the same thing but probably would not say anything, as always. What could he say if he spoke to her? That she had changed back to who she was before? “ _Y_ _ou wear less white, and fewer flowers in your hair. One could wonder why._ ”

 

The two bridesmaids wore dresses they had bought together in London, ivory for Rey and a light shade of pink for Paige. Of course the bridesmaid's dresses were of simpler construction and with fewer embellishments, but still, Rey complimented both of the sisters before they left for the church for they looked positively magnificent. The three of them departed the house in their own carriage just before ten o'clock as they were to arrive at the ceremonial breakfast at noon where all the guests would be waiting. It was a bright day already, and the weather promised to be clement.

 

Upon their arrival at the church, and before they entered, the bridesmaids greeted Mr Dameron who was also waiting as he was the groom's witness. The wedding ceremony itself was held in great intimacy and only the closest family of the couple and their witnesses, Rey and Mr Dameron, were present when Rose's hand was bestowed on Finn. The groom was wearing his military uniform and looked very handsome, but most of all he looked as timid as a young boy. Both of them, when they saw each other on that day, looked as if nothing around them mattered anymore. At the end, Rey gently held Paige's hand for a second as they both watched Finn place a ring on Rose's finger, and she felt her pride and joy as she witnessed her sister beaming from happiness when they left the church, and Rey's cheeks had not hurt from smiling that much in a while.

A few moments later, they were already back in a fiacre on their way back to the house, and as it was her first time attending a wedding Rey was a little bit surprised about the shortness of the ceremony. This time, they shared their space with Mr Dameron as Rose was now with Finn in the first carriage right before them.

 

\- Are all weddings this short? What happens during the rest of the day if it is over already?

 

Mr Dameron gave her his usual sympathetic look.

 

\- Given your unenviable positions as unmarried young ladies, you will probably be spending the day hearing your family tell you that you should get married too.

 

Rey imagined her guardian Lord Skywalker telling her that she should get married and the thought only made her laugh, and she answered that she was certain enough that it would at least not come from him. Paige winced and plaintively said she heard that way too much already and asked him how he answered these remarks himself.

 

\- I do believe everyone finally gave up on the idea of me getting married, which is my greatest achievement to this day.

 

He could have stopped on these words and neither of the girls would have asked anything more, for his charming humour was his graceful way of not answering questions. But his dark eyes went to the window of the carriage and got lost for a second as he still had his mouth open and it was as if the words took advantage of it and slipped out almost without him noticing.

 

\- Not that I did not try. I may have asked, once or twice. But I know it is not my decision to make so I can only sulk and complain about the injustice of love.

 

Then he looked at Rey again, a tired smile upon his lips as he shrugged slightly and she knew it was not an accident and he wanted her to know more about him, and she took it as a proof that he trusted her. A quick glance at Paige and her lack of questioning confirmed that she probably knew who the woman was. Rey had her own idea about her identity but did not speak a word as they were arriving at the Tico's home and the married couple had already entered the house.

There was a lot of children in front of the house playing and their laughs filled the air, while most of the adults were probably in the big gardens behind the house. Paige excused herself quickly so she could join her mother and sister inside, while Rey and Poe decided to go around the building to join the rest of the party. It was a short walk, despite the size of the place, but just long enough so they could share a few words in private.

 

\- I wanted to apologize for the conversation we had at the Solo estate, Rey.

 

\- But why would you apologize? You told me the truth, and I thank you for that.

 

He walked slowly, admiring the view of the nearby orchard and she was glad to have an excuse to delay her social obligations a little bit longer while enjoying the warmth of the sun. She could already hear the voices and the music from here.

 

\- I only hope I did not make you feel like as if I urged you to stay away from Benjamin Solo at all costs. It is not my place to make decisions on your behalf just because I do not like this man myself, as I tend to hate when someone prevents me from making my own choices. Be assured that I only want your safety as you are one of my dearest friends and I care for you as much as for a sister.

 

His concern was as touching as his respect for her freedom, and they exchanged a smile as Rey assured him that she probably was the last person in need of protection in the whole country. She had not answered the rest of his sentence and deliberately did not speak about Ben's letter or his admittance of his lies, but she wished he would not ask her more about it for she wanted to take care of it on her own. After a second of thinking, Poe agreed easily and playfully added that he even felt safer walking with her than he would if he was alone, before looking at the appetizers on the buffet table as they had joined the rest of the guests behind the house for the reception. They were more people than Rey had expected, mostly centred around the food as if they had not eaten in days. The guests were mostly part of the highest ranks of society, and there was no loud voices of laughs, only polite conversations and the scent of blooming lilac flowers. Rey whispered to Mr Dameron that they probably should come back to the buffet table later if they wanted to grab anything, to which the latter agreed.

 

For the following thirty minutes, they roamed around the garden waiting for an opportunity to grab something from a platter while comparing their finds. Fifty to sixty people were expected but Rey quickly guessed that there had been an understatement somewhere. There was even a small orchestra near the pond who attracted some brave dancers while more timid observers sat on the side. Most of the faces Rey did not know and without even thinking about it she was unconsciously searching for someone in particular but to no avail. She thought about the very real possibility that he would not make an appearance at the party and almost regretted she did not give him an answer.

She took a look at the crowd, Rose and Finn were inaccessible as they received constant attention from the guests, but they seemed as happy as possible. Finally, Rey managed to catch a glimpse of a familiar face, as the Duchess and her brother were sitting on a bench a little bit farther away from the crowd, and she asked Mr Dameron if he wanted to come and greet them with her. He politely declined and said he would greet them later, which was a strange answer but one she could understand after their exchange in the carriage.

On her own, Rey approached them and she felt very happy to meet back with Lord Skywalker as she had not seen him in a long time. When he saw her from a few feet away, he rose from his seat and greeted her with a smile and a slight gesture of his head, which was already a lot coming from him and Rey knew it. As usual, Lady Solo was more demonstrative and greeted her with an appropriate embrace. A short conversation followed before they decided they wanted to find some shade, as the sun was getting a little bit too warm for their liking, and Rey said she would meet them later. She had wanted to ask them if they had seen the Duke in the crowd somewhere, but she had not. If it was out of politeness or because she feared the answer, she was not sure, but it was probably a little bit of both.

 

When they left, Rey decided to head back to the main crowd of guests and see if she could find a friend to spend some time with. When she arrived nigh the pergola near the house, where the lilac scent was stronger, while she had stopped to listen to the orchestra's music and to look at the few dancers, she witnessed the Duchess having a lively conversation with a man with his back to Rey. But his back was enough, for she knew his dark hair and his posture, the balance of his broad shoulders and the immensity of his physique. While her eyes lingered a bit longer, she also recognized his hands tied behind him and her lips almost curled in a discreet smile as she felt an infinite amount of energy gathering in her chest, burning with the anticipation.

Looking away from the Duke's back, Rey knew she wanted to approach him but she also knew that he needed to come by himself, but she did not know how easy it would be. It all depended on how much he wanted to talk to her. He was here, yes, but he had wounded his pride in the process for she was almost sure that he only came here because of her and perhaps to know why she had not answered him. A few minutes later, a quick glance towards the pergola informed her that he was no longer with the Duchess, and she did not want to look around too suspiciously.

 

While Rey's breath quickened, as she still stood and looked at the dancers like nothing had happened, a familiar silhouette took place at her side. She did not look up, for her eyes could tell her nothing that her body did not already know. His heavy coat almost touched her naked arm and she felt her skin's shivers betray her as he leaned towards her to speak almost in a whisper, and suddenly she heard nothing but his voice, even deeper than she remembered it.

 

\- Would you take a walk around the gardens with me, Miss Kenobi?

 

As she lifted her face to look at him, he had already straightened up but his eyes were on her, expectantly awaiting an answer. He looked more tired than she had ever seen him. Rey nodded lightly and both of them carefully moved away from the orchestra and the dancers together. Side by side, they walked towards the back of the garden where there were more trees and less potential observers. As soon as they had left the noise behind, he spoke again while looking attentively at her face.

 

\- I must say I am surprised that you agreed to speak to me after you did not answer my letter.

 

\- The admittance of your lies does not atone for your behaviour. You said you did not want my forgiveness, then what do you want from me?

 

Staring back at him, Rey's expression softened despite her accumulated frustration and anger when a small smile took his lips while he answered.

 

\- Is that everything you want to know, what I want from you? I granted you an opportunity to look inside the mind of a monster, I thought you would seize it.

 

The way he spoke of himself as a monster was disturbing as if he was not even fighting this word anymore. As if he wore it with confidence, was it part of his mask now? How could you lose hope for yourself and your own humanity, Rey asked herself. She thought about what her friends had told her about Benjamin Solo. And while she knew it would break this small smile on his face and probably something inside herself too, she stopped walking suddenly for they could not move forward until she spoke it aloud. They were hidden from view by a large tree, and no one could hear them. Ben stopped when she did, and placed himself in front of her, waiting for the words to come out of her mouth.

 

\- You cannot ignore what they say about you. About how your father disappeared.

 

His eyes did not budge, nor did his face change in any way when he answered clearly and distinctly. In fact, she did not even need the confirmation for his lack of reaction was enough.

 

\- I will not insult you by lying once again, for I believe deep down you already know the truth.

 

For a moment, she only looked at his face in utter disbelief. But yes, it would have been a lie to say she did not expect it after all those months of rumours and gossip, but to hear it from his him was different. She thought about her own mother she could not even remember and of growing up without her, without parents, something no one could replace. Of the loneliness and the heartache, of the waiting and the emptiness. While she looked at the face of a murderer, her eyes stung with rage when she found out that she was not able to reconcile his actions with the man in front of her and his mother's words. His mother never spoke of her late husband but yet she was still seeing her son as if she was desperately trying to bring him back to her.

 

\- Why are you telling me this?

 

\- Because I thought you ought to know.

 

A warm breeze caressed Rey's skin and she noticed she was crying by the coldness of her cheeks, surely he had noticed too, but he did not say anything about it. She still could hear the laughs and the voices from the party, and the sun was still warm, but something had changed in the atmosphere.

He was close enough that she could hit his face, and deep down she could not deny she had thought about it. And she hated how much she had thought about him, she hated the way he was looking at her and most of all she hated how she did not want to run away from him. Because while he spoke with confidence of the horrors he had done, there was a discordance. After a visible hesitation, he opened his mouth and spoke again, his voice stronger now.

 

\- I wanted you to know who those people you worship really are. They hid me. Locked me in my uncle's domain and tried to destroy my claims to a throne I should have inherited long ago. Had Han Solo not been my father it would have been so much easier. Had Han Solo acted like a father he would not have locked me with Luke for years.

 

Rey was looking at a fallen Titan speaking like a child. Perhaps it was true and all hope was lost for him, but then all hope was lost for this country too. Her anger turned to an infinite sadness and she shook her head and looked down, using the back of her hand to wipe the tears off her face. How ungraceful, she thought to herself. While Rey looked at the floor, she felt him approach her and she could even see his shoes near hers.

 

\- I thought I would go insane in this house. You have been locked up for your whole life and I know it was not the same, but is there no part of your heart that understands me?

 

And promptly, his hand was under her chin, and he softly lifted up her face to meet with her eyes. Rey knew she could push him away if she wanted to and he would not insist, for the pressure of his hand was lighter than a feather despite its size, but she did not. Rey hated the beast he wanted to become but she had high expectations for this man he could be, if only he tried. And right now, he seemed vulnerable and closer to the man than the monster.

 

\- I pity you if you think I can extinguish the guilt in your heart by saying I understand, for I would not even if I could. I cannot help you.

 

“You must help yourself” she thought. Ben's gaze traced the path of her tears along her cheeks and his thoughtful expression was nothing like the cold facade he usually wore.

 

\- You should pity me, Rey, for you have awakened that very guilt and I believe this fire you ignited will consume me before long.

 

As his face approached hers, Rey felt the conflict rise in her heart. The possibility to push him away was there, but she did not find the strength to obey it even if she knew it was wrong. The fingers on her chin moved to her cheek slowly, as if Ben was waiting for Rey to stop him, and then to the nape of her neck, on her hair. Each and every one of his moves was as careful as if he was touching a masterpiece, yet it saturated all of her senses. There was not a sound but his breathing, everything was frozen except for his hand, she had forgotten the scent of lilac, she had nothing to look at but his hungry eyes. Their bodies grew closer and her lungs seemed to tighten as the distance between them decreased.

But then, Rey's reason got the best of her as she decided not to let her feelings control her, and she stepped back. Obviously, she regretted it strongly but she knew it was the right thing to do. Ben's hand fell to his side as he admitted his defeat and quickly straightened his posture. The wind on her skin suddenly felt much colder than it had ever felt before. She said something about heading back to the party and he nodded. Before they separated, he only spoke a few words before bowing to her.

 

\- I apologize if I offended you, the moment was poorly chosen. I remain at your disposal if you ever come to need me.

 

His tone was not as confident as before and he left hastily even before she could answer. Soon enough, he was lost in the crowd and she found in herself an all too familiar loneliness. The circle had come to an end, she had felt it, but an end was but a new beginning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for the way it went between them but there is still so much left to happen in this story, let me know if you prefer this chapter length or if it gets boring! Your comments are what gives me the most motivation and inspiration!
> 
> Thanks to nathu udar (she does not have tumblr unfortunately) for the Poe manip at the beginning of the chapter she was kind enough to offer me a manip for this fic and I could not be more grateful !
> 
> EDIT : one hour after posting this chapter I have lost subscriptions and I do believe that it speaks volumes about the quality of my writing recently, given the kudos ratio (also terrible) so I will probably be focusing on improving that if I can let me know if you have any advice or constructive criticism.


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